Tainted Love
by BTR-aholic
Summary: Kendall and Logan have been together for a few months, but Kendall's anger is a problem..what happens when he takes it WAY too far. Will Logan forgive him. Warning, abuse, rape and self harm.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: So I am going to write this because I thought of it, and I hope/know it will be amazing. I will be writing in Logan's POV only. I want to really capture his emotions.**

**Summary:Kendall and Logan have been together for a few months, but Kendall's anger is a problem..what happens when he takes it WAY too far. Will Logan forgive him.**

**Disclaimer: Warning dating violence, rape and self harm.**

**Tainted Love**

**Chapter 1**

I was being shaken awake lightly. I opened my eyes to see my boyfriend Kendall Knight. I had cried myself to sleep after a fight we had earlier.

"Logie..." I turned away from him not wanting to hear another meaningless I'm sorry. "Logie, please look at me."

I refused to face him. "Kendall, please just go away." I knew that I was on the verge of losing it again. All I wanted to do was forgive him and wrap my arms around him. But I couldn't forgive him as easily as I always had. He went to far his time.

"Logie...please." He was using a super sweet voice.

I sighed and let a few tears fall. I cleared my throat before I spoke. "Kendall...you hit me." He had never hit me before. This was the first time. The guy who had sworn to protect me was the one I needed protection from. "And you accused me of cheating on you...I'm with you all day everyday. I have no time to cheat on you."

"I know. I took things too far this time. I don't want to be this kind of boyfriend. I want to be a loving and kind boyfriend. Its just that when I leave and I come back and you are talking to another guy about his love life..." I heard Kendall pause. He was losing control again. His anger had become a really big issue in our relationship. We had been together for three months. I loved him with everything I had, but I was tired of being yelled at.

"Kendall...Dak was upset. He's our friend...what did you want me to do. Tell him to go talk to someone else. Besides Dak isn't even gay." I finally sat up and looked at Kendall. He looked miserable. He knew he had messed up.

"I know, I overreacted and I see that now." He touched my cheek where I knew it was bruising. I had put and ice pack on it but it hadn't helped much. "I did that?" He sounded surprised. I nodded. He pulled me close to him and gently kissed my cheek. "Logan, please forgive me for being such an idiot. I won't ever hit you again."

I looked at him for a second. He was different this time, he seemed like he was actually sorry. "Kendall...baby, your anger is the problem. You yell at me all the time for things I don't even mean to do. I feel like I have to walk a tight rope with no safety net with you."

"I'll control it better. I swear, I promise. I've never broken a promise to you."

_Yes you have, you've broken a lot of promises. _I thought, I just didn't want to say it out loud. "Kendall this is your last chance."

I knew that I wasn't serious. He knew I wasn't either, I had said it so many times that like his sorrys it meant nothing.

He pulled me close and hugged me tightly. He kissed the top of my head. "I am so sorry, Logie."

"Its okay Kendall, as long as you don't do it again." I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him. We walked downstairs together and watched TV. I laid down on his lap as we watch 1,000 Ways To Die.

We heard James and Carlos run in. I felt someone hit me, and felt an elbow to the face. I grabbed my cheek, although James' elbow hadn't hit me hard it was in the same spot where Kendall had hit earlier. I walked into the bathroom. Kendall followed me and looked at my face again. "Well at least now you can just blame it on James." He said.

I was a little happy about it too. I didn't want to have to tell people what happened and I was a horrible liar. Kendall disappeared for a second and appeared with a frozen bag of peas. He put it on my cheek, and lead me back to our room.

I laid down on our shared bed, while Kendall cuddled with me. "Kendall..." I said softly.

"What is it Logie?" He asked in a soft and caring voice.

"Do you really think that I am cheating on you?" I asked. He always accused me of it even if he had absolutely no reason to.

I heard Kendall sigh. "Yes and no. In the back of my mind I am always afraid that you are cheating on me, because sometimes I'm not the best boyfriend. Everyone knows how my temper is and I am afraid that someone will swoop down and steal you right from under my nose. But then I know that you would never cheat on me."

"Kendall. I love you, more then I have ever loved anyone in my entire life. You mean the world to me, I would never even consider cheating on you. I wish that you would get that through your thick skull."

He smiled at me and then kissed me. I took off the peas of my face and kissed him back. "I love you, Logie." He said softly.

"I love you too." I kissed him one last time and with that, we fell asleep on our bed together.

Two weeks passed and Kendall was the absolute perfect boyfriend, we hadn't fought or even argued in the slightest. He was never angry at me and we were the perfect couple. We were heading to the studio to work on a new song that Gustavo had written. We had the sheets in our hands on the limo ride there. We were warming up our vocals and trying to get a feel for the song so that we could get out of there as soon as possible.

"RUN IT AGAIN!" Gustavo yelled. "And Kendall! What the hell are you doing? Because it sure as hell ain't SINGING!"

"We've been doing harmonies and layers all morning then you send us in here without a break and expect us to do this song, and then you wonder why I'm not sounding all that great." Kendall answered back with a snap.

"Not that great? You sound like SHIT!" Gustavo yelled again. Kelly turned off the mic and the talked to Gustavo for a few minutes. Gustavo raised his hands up in defeat and then walked out of the booth. "You guys have a ten minute break. Mr. X will be here in ten."

Kendall walked out of the studio, but while he was walking out he slammed his fist into the door as he was walking out. I looked at the others and motioned for them to stay here before I ran after him. "Kendall!"

When I finally caught up to him he was in the coffee room his fist clenched and sitting in a chair jiggling his leg. He only jiggled his leg when he was trying not to explode. "What Logan?" He said in a mean and rude tone.

"Kendall...I didn't do anything please don't snap at me, I want to help." I said with a hurt tone.

"Whatever, just leave me alone." And with that he walked away. He didn't want to talk to me and that was rare.

We were in the studio again watching as Mr. X was showing us dance moves. Kendall's head wasn't in it so he kept messing up. "No, no, no. Start again!" He yelled.

"What?" James yelled. "We were almost done with the routine."

"Well, why don't you tell Kendall hear to take this seriously then, otherwise you will be here all night...dancing." He said, while he threw his hands in the air and started dancing himself.

"Kendall, come on. Do you really want to be here all night?" James yelled.

"You know what, I don't need this." Kendall turned and walked away.

I turned to follow but Mr. X grabbed a hold of me and wouldn't let go. "No, you let him go. You stay, if anyone in the group needs the practice, its you."

I frowned. I knew that this was going to be bad. I knew that Kendall would be in a very bad mood when I saw him again and he was more than likely going to take it out on me. _Oh joy, another night of sleeping either on the couch or floor of James and Carlos' room so I don't have to see him. _

An hour later we were released and in the limo going back to Palm Woods. "Logan, whats been up with Kendall today? Did you two get into another fight last night?"

I shook my head. "No, I don't know whats been wrong with him. He wouldn't talk to me earlier he just walked away."

When we returned to Palm Woods, I saw Kendall sitting next to the pool talking to Jo. No one but James, Carlos, Katie and Mama Knight knew about Kendall and I. We knew that if we came out now it would possibly ruin BTR's just starting popularity.

I glanced over before I walked into the lobby. I saw Kendall smile at Jo and then caress her cheek. I knew that Carlos and James had seen it too. "He's just flirting. He has to, to make sure that you two don't get found out." James said encouragingly. But right as he finished say that I saw Kendall lean in and kiss Jo. His eyes were closed and he opened them mid kiss and aimed them directly at me.

"Really, James...explain that to me then." And with that I ran up to 2J and slammed the door and ran up to mine and Kendall's room. I looked around for a minute. I threw my bag down and then looked at a picture of Kendall and I. I punched it with all my might. I winced in pain when I felt the glass shatter and cut my hands up a little bit.

James and Carlos were at the door. "I'll grab the pillows and blanket." James said.

Carlos nodded. "I've got the clothes."

I knew that they were use to mine and Kendall's fights. Everyone we lived with wondered why we even bothered. We fought a lot...or should I say that Kendall lost his temper a lot and it caused me to not want to be near him. I walked into Carlos and James' room. They entered a second later with some of my belonging and a first aid kit.

I cleaned up my wounds on my hand and got the inflatable mattress I had recently invested in. I blew it up, threw my pillow and then my blankets on it. I collapsed on it and threw my head into the pillow. I hated the fact that I was crying over Kendall for what had to be the thousandth time. James and Carlos had left, they knew that I needed time to wind down from things like this.

_I don't get it...Kendall told me that he loved me...that I meant the world to him. He swore he would never cheat on me again. Why did he kiss Jo? He knew what he was doing. He looked right at me. I don't know why he was trying to get back at me. I didn't do anything. I hadn't talked to my ex Camille or even any other guy for that matter. I did nothing wrong._

"I did nothing wrong." I said out loud. But then I heard another voice in my head. Kendall's voice. It was telling me that he had done it for a reason. I had pissed him off in some way and that I deserved it. I sighed. I wished that I could shut that voice up but I knew that I couldn't.

There was a knock on the door. "Logie?" I heard Kendall ask. I was silent. "Logan, I want to talk to you."

I ran up and locked the door automatically. "Logie, unlock the door I need to talk to you."

"Go away, Kendall. I have nothing to say to you. You cheated on me. I'm done."

Kendall was quiet for a second. I heard his fist come into contact with the door. I jumped back in fear. "Open the door Logan. Or I will kick it in." I knew that he would and that would just raise more questions.

I stood up and made my way over to the door, I took a deep breath and then unlocked it. He instantly barged in and slammed it shut. Locking it as he did so. "What do you mean your done?" He asked in a low and dangerous growl.

I stepped away from him. I felt tears falling down my face. "Kendall...I can't take this pain anymore. You always hurt me. You yell at me, you cheated on me and you hit me."

Kendall got into my face. "THAT WAS ONE TIME! WHY DO YOU KEEP HOLDING IT OVER MY HEAD." He screamed.

I jumped, I was scared. He was at his boiling point and it wouldn't end good for me if it happened. "Kendall...I'm not."

"You deserved it you know. You were flirting with Dak, I let it go that day but don't tell me you weren't. You were nudging him and smacking him like you use to do to me before we started dating. It is clearly obvious that you were trying to get him into the sack." Kendall said in a tone that I didn't recognize.

I looked at him for a moment, the fact that he thought I was trying to cheat on him brought more tears to my eyes. "Kendall...I would never cheat on you. I love you, you mean everything to me..."

Kendall smiled. "Then why do you want to leave me Logie, you know that I love you more than anything in this world and that I only hurt you in ways that you have hurt me."

"Kendall...I've never cheated on you, I don't yell at you...this isn't fair to me." I said. "I don't think I can take anymore pain, I don't think that I can be with you anymore."

"Look, I was having a bad day Logie. I came back here and Jo was trying to talk me down. Then she kissed me, when I opened my eyes and saw you I pushed her away. I didn't want that kiss."

For a brief second I believed him. I believed every word. Then my logic kicked in. _No, I saw him go in for this kiss. It was him. _I sighed a deep sigh and looked at Kendall. He walked up to me and wrapped his arms around me. "Kendall..."

"Logie, I love you." His voice cracked. "I can't lose you. I wanted to cry when I saw what you did to that picture of us."

"Kendall, I think I need a break. I need to get my head together and get over you cheating on me before we can move passed it and its just more confusing for me when we are together and you tell me things you don't mean."

Kendall dropped his arms. He stepped back and looked at me, I saw him clinch his fist and I couldn't help it I flinched. Kendall realized what he was doing, he unballed his fist and looked at me. "I'm so sorry that I have hurt you so much that you feel that you can't be with me." Kendall said. I saw tears welling in his eyes. He ran away from me.

I sat down on the mattress and put my face in my hands. I allowed the sobs to come out and didn't care who heard it. I felt arms around me and saw that it was Carlos. James was standing in front of me. "Are you okay?" Carlos asked.

I thought about it for a minute before I answered. "No, I'm not. I can't live without him but he can't think that he can keep doing this to me. It is taking everything out of me not to just go tell him its all okay, but he has to learn a lesson." I said. I felt crummy. I wanted nothing more than to just run up to Kendall and tell him that I forgave him.

I knew that I had to be strong though because if I wasn't it would just stay the way things were and it would never change.

**End Chapter 1**

**A/N: So I just wanted to set up a basis for it. The next chapter will be better. So what do you guys think? Do you want to read more of this? Let me know.**

**Read and Review please.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: So I am writing this second chapter before I start to post them. So if the first chapter doesn't do good, I'll still post this one, But I am hoping it does good. I decided to put two chapters up, if this gets good feed back it will take a day or two to get the next chapter posted.**

**Disclaimer: Rape scene in this chapter.**

**Chapter 2**

Two weeks had passed since I had told Kendall I needed a break from our relationship. Things had been sufficiently awkward between the two of us. I was currently bunking in Carlos and James' room still. Kendall ignored me as if I didn't exist. We all had just gotten back from the studio and I was slowly making my way up to mine and Kendall's room.

I knocked softly. Kendall opened the door. "Logan?"

"Hi, can we talk please?" I asked. He motioned for me to come in. I sat on the bed and he sat next to me. I had planned what I wanted to say to him but I couldn't seem to get the words out.

"Logie, look I have been seriously thinking these last two weeks…I know that I have been a pretty shitty boyfriend. I have fucked up a lot, but I want a chance to make it up to you. I have cried almost every night when I go to bed without you by my side. I don't like it. And I don't want to go another day without us being together."

I looked at him for a second. "I have missed you Kendall, but I don't want things to go to the way they were. You yell at me whenever you have a bad day and I can't take that."

Kendall wrapped an arm around me. "I promise I will change."

I kissed him. I couldn't take it anymore. "You better." Was all I could say. "We should do something tonight."

"I would Logie, but I already told Guitar Dude that I would have a jamming session with him." Kendall said. "How about tomorrow?"

"Okay." I said. Kendall left the room. I felt my phone vibrate. It was Dak, I answered. "Hello?"

-Logan? Can we hang out tonight, I need some advice.-

"Sure, me and the guys aren't doing anything." I said casually. I knew that Dak was having problems with Mercedes again. That girl was so high maintenance that it was no surprise that her and Dak were having constant problems.

-Lets meet in the lobby and then we can go from there-

I closed my phone and walked down to the lobby. When I got there Dak was already sitting on one of the couches. I walked up to him. "What's up?" I asked as I sat down next to him.

"Lets get out of here, Mercedes might come by and I don't want to see her right now." He said. We stood up and made our way to his car. When we were passing through the park I saw Kendall, when our eyes met I gave him a smile. He just frowned at me.

When we got in the car I started a conversation with Dak. "What's going on now with that crazy girl of yours?" I asked.

"Uhhh, she is trying to drag me to some event that her dad is hosting. I swear it is like that girl only cares about being seen with me. Like it boosts her popularity. You know she was bragging me today about Justin Bieber hitting on her, why the fuck would she tell me something like that?"

"She is trying to get you jealous, its what girls do." I said. I felt my phone vibrate. I opened it to see a text from Kendall. _What the fuck are you doing with him? _Was all it said.

_You said that you had plans, Dak is having problems with Mercedes again and wanted to vent about it._

I answered and pushed send.

I already knew that Kendall wasn't happy and that made it hard to concentrate and help Dak. I knew that when I got back to Palm Woods that me and Kendall were going to be fighting. I only hoped that he would live up to his promise he made earlier.

I spent the afternoon with Dak at the mall trying to offer him some friendly advice, after a few hours though we were finally heading back to Palm Woods and I was getting nervous the closer we got. When we got back I climbed out of the car and walked to the lobby with Dak. "Listen dude, thanks for always listening to my bullshit. I appreciate it." He said.

"Anytime, bro." With that we slapped hands and I made my way back up to the apartment. When I walked in Kendall was sitting in the living room watching TV but I could already tell that he was waiting for me. When he saw me walk in he instantly stood up and met my eyes with a deadly glare. He motioned for me to meet him in our room.

I walked up as slowly as I possibly could. I didn't want to fight with Kendall. I didn't think I could handle it with us just getting back together. I was finally at the door. When I walked in, Kendall closed the door and then proceeded to locked it.

"So what? I turn my back for a minute and your off with Dak?" Kendall snarled at me.

"Baby, its not like that he called me and asked if he could talk to me because of the bullshit Mercedes is putting him through." I said defensively.

"Oh really? And you couldn't do that in the lobby? Where did you guys go?" He was giving me a look that was making me feel very uneasy.

"He was afraid that Mercedes would show up...we just went to the mall." I said.

He laughed in a way that I didn't like at all. It made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up straight. "Oh really? The mall, where a herd of fans could havet see him and gotten all crazy? Try lying to me again Logan and you won't like what happens."

"Kendall…I'm not lying. We really went to the mall." How could he think I was lying to him. I had never once lied to him.

"You went somewhere to fuck didn't you?" He yelled. He was standing in front of me and his face was a half inch away from mine. His anger was rising rapidly and I knew that it was going to be bad.

"How can you say that? I only love you!" I felt tears coming into my eyes.

"LIAR!" He screamed. I felt the back of his hand come into contact with my face. I feel down to the ground because of the impact.

I grabbed my cheek where his hand had hit and looked at him. "Kendall.…I'm telling the truth." I cried. I let the tears fall without even trying to wipe them away.

He grabbed me by the collar and raised me up. "This is your last chance Logan...tell me the truth. I already know that you fucked him. It's all over Palm Woods that Mercedes is a cover up for him, its also going around that you two are a couple."

I knew that was a lie. "Kendall, that isn't true. He loves Mercedes with all his heart. Just like I love you."

He threw me down to the ground. "Stop lying to me Logan!" I felt pain in my side. He had kicked me with all the might he could possibly muster up.

I grabbed my side, while trying to control the coughing that the impact had caused. I couldn't talk anymore, I felt like two tons had hit my side. I just looked up at Kendall with pleading eyes, begging him to believe me. He didn't though, I saw the anger in his eyes. I grabbed my side and let my face hit the ground sobbing. I was surprised when Kendall snapped out of his violence mood.

"UGH! Why do you make me do this to you Logan? Why can't you just take into consideration how I feel about things. I don't like you hanging around Dak, you know that, regardless of you what you say I know that he likes you. I have to protect you, I have to protect us." He yelled. He sat down on the bed with his face in his hands.

_Shit, I had to ruin it. I had to help Dak, I should have told him to go talk to someone else. Kendall is right, I should have thought about how he would feel instead of being have only been back together for six hours and I'm already screwing it up. I should know by now that Kendall only has my best interest in mind._

I painfully stood up and walked over to him. I wrapped my arms around him and sat down on his lap. I rested my forehead on his shoulder. "I'm so sorry baby. I won't do it again, I was being stupid and selfish. It won't happen again."

He looked at me. "Its okay, Logie. Just don't hang out with anyone. You're mine and I don't want anyone to steal you away from me." I nodded agreeing to what he was saying to me. He smiled at me and then kissed my forehead.

Later that night I was standing in front of the mirror, observing the bruise on my rib cage. I touched it softly and winced in pain. I sat down on the floor. _I can't believe I could be so stupid. Why did I have to hang out with Dak. I know better. I have to be a better boyfriend, if I was a better boyfriend Kendall wouldn't do this to me._

I climbed in the shower and let the hot water relax my body. It relaxed me completely. When I was done I got out and dried off. When I walked back in my room, Kendall was already in bed. I climbed into the bed with him. As soon as I got in he wrapped his arms around me.

"I love you, Logie." He said sweetly.

"I love you too."

I felt him kiss my cheek and then move to my mouth. He started to devour my mouth. Automatically taking control. "Kendall..." I said softly. "Stop."

He climbed off of me and glared at me. I could see that he didn't take too kindly to being rejected. "Oh, thats right...you already got laid today didn't you?" Kendall snarled harshly.

I frowned and looked at him with pleading eyes. "Kendall, you know that isn't true. You know I would never cheat on you." I said with a hurt tone.

"No, I don't. So you will let Dak fuck you, but not your boyfriend who you supposedly love?" His voice was raising.

"I do love you. I'm in a lot of pain Kendall, my side is killing me. I know that if we have sex that it will make it worse." I said defensively.

"Oh, so its my own fault then?" Kendall yelled at me.

"I never said that." I said softly.

Kendall walked up to me and planted a hard and painful kiss on my lips. "If you love me then let me fuck you."

"I'm not in-" I didn't get to finish however. Kendall had tackled me on the bed and was pinning me down. "NOOO! Stop!"

He covered my mouth and smacked me in the face. "If you scream, or even make a sound…trust me when I say that you WILL regret it!"

He was kissing me roughly all over my neck and body. I tried to push him off of me, but he was taller and heavier than me. I struggled and fought the best I could._ This isn't right, this isn't right. He shouldn't be doing this. Why is he doing this to me?_

"Stop struggling or this will be worse for you." He said in a voice I didn't recognize. It couldn't have belonged to my beloved Kendall.

I saw him pull his boxers down and kick them to the side. He put his dick by my entrance. "What about lube?" I asked.

Kendall got a dark and twisted smile on his face. "I felt that you would learn your lesson better this way." With that he smirked spit on his dick and then forced it in. I felt myself fading away for a few moments, then I felt pain. The tears were falling down a lot faster now. Kendall was being extremely rough. I felt like he was tearing something. I cried out in pain.

I closed my eyes tight and prayed that he would be done soon. It seemed to go on for an eternity. I was in an excruciating amount of pain and felt as if I would black out at any given moment, that was how intense the pain was.

He started to go slower. After a few minutes he pulled himself all the way out and then slammed right back into me. I bite my tongue to repress the scream of pain I had wanted to let out. "P-Please Ken-Kendall, I'm sor-sorry."

That didn't help much, Kendall kept pumping and pumping harder and faster. "Oh god Logie, I'm so close." I felt relieved and finally he slammed into me with all the force he could and then collapsed on top of me. I pulled myself over to the edge of the bed. I was sobbing into my pillow when I felt him snake an arm around my waist. "Logie…whats wrong? Didn't you enjoy that?"

"You…" was all I managed to say.

"It's not rape if you are with the person and love them." Kendall said simply. "And I do love you Logie." He planted a kiss on the top of my head and then rolled over away from me and didn't say another word all night. After a few hours, I finally cried myself to sleep.

The next morning the first thing I felt was a lot of pain in my bottom. Then I felt confused because of what Kendall had done. He professed to love me, but something inside was telling me you weren't suppose to hurt the ones you loved. I sighed and didn't know what to do. I sat up and instantly regretted it the pain was unbearable, and it only got worse when I stood up.

I felt warm liquid gush down the back of my leg. I wiped it with my finger and then looked at it. It was blood. I sat back down and then turned to wake Kendall up, but he wasn't there. I sighed, and then grabbed my phone. I dialed Kendall's number and patiently waited for him to answer. He didn't, though.

-Hey, its Kendall leave your number at the tone. Oh and if your a crazy fan don't even bother.-

When I heard the beep I took a breath. "Kendall, I need you to take me to the hospital. Please call me back." I set my phone down and then painfully stood up again. I walked to my dresser and pulled out a pair of boxers/briefs. I went and sat back down on the bed and put them on. I laid down and waited for twenty minutes before my phone finally rang.

"Kendall?" I asked frantically.

-What Logan?- He said in and annoyed tone.

"I need you to take me to the hospital." I said in one breath.

-Why?- He asked suspiciously.

"Well, I'm bleeding...I think you tore something."

Kendall laughed before answering. -Yeah, I'm not taking you. That is going to be an embarrassing ER visit. Ask my mom to take you.-

"But-"

-Look, I'm busy- And with that the line went dead and I looked at the phone before pushing end.

I sighed and looked at it again, I didn't want to call Mrs. Knight but I knew that I had no choice.. -What sweetie?-

"Can you come upstairs Mama Knight?" I asked.

Within seconds she was walking through the door. "What's wrong?" I sat up. "Is that blood on the sheets?"

"Can you take me to the hospital?"

She was instantly next to me. "Logan, what happened?" I could hear the concern and worry in her voice. "Does Kendall know that you are going?"

I looked down in embarrassment. I couldn't tell her what really happened. "Kendall and I…kinda go-got carried away, I guess. And he knows he is doing something though so I told him not to meet me there."

"Oh." She motioned for me to wait for one second. She came back in with a woman's pad. "Don't argue. Put this on, get dress, meet me downstairs. I will call for a wheelchair to be brought up."

As I got dressed I knew that this was going to be unbearable and hard to explain. I painfully made my way down the stairs. When I got there Mrs. Knight was standing there with a wheelchair. She rolled me to the car and when we got there helped me in.

The ride to the hospital was extremely awkward. When we got there Mrs. Knight checked me in and I nervously waited. I didn't want to be looked at because I would be so embarrassed. Finally I heard what I was dreading. "Logan Mitchell." I slowly walked back by myself.

_Well, here it goes._

**End Chap**

**A/N: Well I hope this has someone's attention.**

**Read and Review please.**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Believe it or not, the rape isn't even what sends Logan over the edge. Hope you enjoy the chapter, let me know what you think.**

**Chapter 3**

"Now what seems to be the problem, Mr. Mitchell?" Dr. Stevens asked in a soft and somewhat caring voice.

I looked down for a second debating on how exactly to answer that question. "Well…I'm bleeding out of my anus." I said softly, using the terms I knew that any doctor would approve of.

"Oh, well I'm gonna have to ask a few question then." He pulled out his chart. "Have you had any penetration rectally in the last twenty four hours?"

I wished that I would just die. It would be a lot less painful and a hell of a lot less embarrassing then this. "Yes. My boyfriend and I had intercourse last night." I couldn't meet the doctor's eyes.

"Okay, and did you do it properly, and when I say properly I mean did you use lubrication?" He was staring at me. I could feel it, I knew that he was judging me. _That's what they do...they judge without understanding._

"No, we didn't have any." I said quietly. When I said that he told me that he needed to do a rectal examination.

After the examination, he wrote something on his clip board. "Well Mr. Mitchell, I found the problem. You have several tears on the inside and out. I think you are definitely going to need stitches. So I am going to have you prepped and then I will be back in here shortly."

I felt my face go red. I knew that he was disgusted. I could tell just by the look on his face and the sound of his voice. An anesthesiologist came in and gave me some medicine so I wouldn't feel it when I got stitched. After Dr. Steven's had given me four stitches inside and six outside and out he sat across from me.

"Here are you discharge papers, Mr. Mitchell. Now, no intercourse until the stitches dissolve and that will take about ten days. And when you have intercourse, make sure you use lube. Not that you have had tears, you are more prone to them." I could feel how awkward he felt when saying it. I knew he had to feel embarrassed because I know I sure was. "Oh, and you are going to be on bed rest for three days and make sure you ice down the area it will help with the pain."

"Is that all you are going to recommend for the pain?" I asked. I knew that ice wasn't going to help this pain, I was really hoping for something a little stronger.

"No, I have twenty vikodin here, take one as needed every six hours. Make sure you aren't taking them after three days, one after the other. You need to be able to feel the pain this way you don't over do it." He handed them to me and then walked out of the room

Kendall didn't come home that night. He didn't call either, Mrs. Knight was bringing me treats and all other kinds of things, the next morning. "What's going on with you and Kendall?" She finally asked.

"Nothing, we fight but we still love each other." I said.

"You mean he yells at you?" She corrected him. Was it really that bad that even she was on my side?

"You don't hear both sides, I don't yell. But I say some pretty nasty things to him sometimes." I said defending Kendall. I knew that it was a lie, but she bought it and dropped the subject.

Kendall didn't come back home until well after noon. I was laying in bed reading Grapes of Wrath when he walked in. "Hey Logie Bear." He laid next to me, but I tried my best to ignore him. "Logie, you aren't mad at me are you?"

I stared at my book, not really reading anything on the page I had opened. I sighed, "Kendall, just please…"

"Talk to me." Was all he said.

"Where were you? You didn't come home. You didn't even seem worried that I had to go to the emergency room. I don't see what could be more important then me." I didn't meet his gaze. I couldn't look at him. I had held it together this long and I wasn't going to cry again.

"I stayed with Jo, but Logan nothing happened. I just couldn't face you."

I couldn't keep it in any longer. I finally just started sobbing. "So Jo, your ex girlfriend was more important than me?"

"Nothing happened." He said, avoiding the question. But then I saw it…a hickey on his neck. I felt the tears falling even faster.

"I had to get ten stitches. You tore the skin. I was bleeding very badly, Kendall. You made me face the doctors alone. And while I was in the hospital, you were cheating on me with Jo."

"Logie, I wouldn't cheat-" I touched his neck before he finished. "What?"

"You have a hickey." I said.

"It didn't mean anything. You don't ever want fucking sex anymore. What am I suppose to do?"

"Not cheat on me, your suppose to respect it. Not force it and then me end up hurt like this." I said quietly.

"So what's your point?" He finally snapped. I knew that he didn't want to talk about this anymore.

"My point is that you haven't changed. You told me you wanted to change and that you loved me…but you hurt me so much that I can't believe that anymore Kendall."

"No Logie…please. I can't live without you. If I lose you, I don't know what I will do." He said his voice unusually shaky.

"You should have thought about that before you slept with Jo." I said trying to stay strong.

Kendall didn't say anything for a few moments. He stood up and then walked out of the room. I slammed my head against the headboard. _You did the right thing. This is whats best for you. You can't be with someone who hurts you. _But then I heard Kendall's voice in my head, _you need me Logan. You know that you can't live without me._

I sighed. I felt my phone vibrate it was a text. _Goodbye Logan. Don't worry about me. I'm taking some pills and going to sleep forever. Just know that I will always love you._

No. I couldn't lose Kendall in that way. I picked up my phone and called him. -Hello?-

"Kendall, please don't kill yourself."

-Why the hell do you care? Don't you get it Logan? I can't live without you.-

I was silent for a few seconds. I didn't know what to say, I didn't want him to kill himself. I had to take him back so he wouldn't. "Okay, come back here. We can work through this." I said softly.

Kendall hung up his phone. But it only took him five minutes to be back by my side. He sat next to me and as soon as he was there, I wrapped my arms around him and refused to let go. "Oh Kendall, I'm so sorry that I overreacted. I just don't want you to hurt yourself." I said.

Kendall hugged me. "I'm sorry too Logan. You know I love you though."

"I know." I said simply.

After twelve days my stitches had finally fully dissolved and I no longer had any pain. No one but Kendall and Mrs. Knight knew about what had happened, I was too embarrassed to tell anyone else. I was sitting in the room working on the Trig homework I had been given that day. Kendall was out with Guitar Guy and had said he wouldn't be back until around midnight.

I heard a knock on my door. "Come in," I said.

James and Carlos walked in. "Hey, we're gonna hit the ice, wanna join us?" James asked in a friendly tone.

"Yeah, they have hockey Wednesday's and they actually play real games!" Carlos was practically jumping with joy.

I smiled. I knew that the rink would help me take my mind off of all the shit going on with Kendall. I stood up and grabbed my stick, skates and bag of hockey equipment. "Lets go." I said with a smile.

"So you and Kendall haven't argued in a while." James said. "I think that is a new record."

Carlos laughed and I did too. I didn't want them to know how bad our problems really were. And I knew that Kendall would kill me if he found out that I had told them or even hinted towards it. We were finally in the car that Gustavo had boughten for us and since I finally had my license I was able to drive with out Bitters in the trunk.

"Remember when we shot City is Ours?" I asked recalling the memory.

Carlos and James laughed. "That was fun. I really thought that Gustavo was going to murder us to be honest." James said with a smile.

We laughed the entire way there, while singing the Turd Song with each other. "Its nice to see you laughing like this." Carlos said. "Its seems like its been a while since I have seen you like this."

I ignored his comment, even though I knew that he was right. We were finally on the rink, and only eight people had shown up. After three hours of skating and playing we were out of breath and drenched in sweat. We were getting our gear off and deciding on where to go to dinner. "Oh did you guys hear?" James asked, while putting his gloves in his bag. "Dak came out today. No one even knew he was gay, I mean I didn't. Did you Logan? I mean you two are closest."

But Dak being gay meant trouble, it meant that Kendall was going to be furious at me and think that I knew the whole time. I was panicking and trying to think of how to handle this. "I didn't know. He was always talking to me about Mercedes and their problems they were having. They were always about her being a spoiled princess and him trying to deal with it." I said trying to take my mind off of how Kendall was going to react.

"No, Stephanie was telling me that him and Mercedes were always fighting because she knew he was gay. Apparently, all those stories of them screwing around and fucking were all made up. Mercedes said that she and Dak never even rounded second base." James said.

"Wow, I can't believe he hid it for so long from everyone. I mean, you and Kendall were pretty obvious about it." Carlos said. He started making moaning sounds "Oh Kendall, right there!" He screamed while laughing at his joke.

I couldn't process what was being said. Whenever I had all my gear packed up, I pulled my cell phone out of my bag. I had over twenty missed calls and twelve text. I opened my inbox. _You are so dead. How could you lie to me. Dak IS gay, so how long have you two been fucking each other. Where are you? I thought I said you could only see me. Get home now. _

I read though all the text. I picked up the phone and pressed Kendall's number. -WHERE ARE YOU?- He screamed.

"I'm at the rink with Carlos and James." I said.

-GET BACK HERE NOW!-

"Okay, we're coming back now."

The twenty minute drive back to the Palm Woods was quiet. James and Carlos knew that something was wrong. They knew me well enough to know when I was upset. We were finally pulling into the parking lot and I slowly opened my door and grabbed my gear out of the trunk. I started walking into Palm Woods.

I pressed the up button on the elevator once I reached there. I was nervous to go into the room. I knew that this fight was going to be horrible, and there was nothing I could say or do about it. I stood outside the door for a second and then walked into the apartment.

As soon as I opened the door Kendall was right there, pacing waiting for me to get there. He gripped my arm squeezing tighter then he needed to. He dragged me into the room, when we got in there he threw me to the ground. "Dak's not even gay, huh?" He said, getting in my face. "How long have you been fucking cheating on me with him?"

I looked down. "I'm not answering that, because I didn't cheat. I shouldn't have to keep saying that to you."

Kendall punched the ground and inch away from my face. I looked at him with tears in my eyes. "Why are you crying. I haven't even done anything to you...well yet at least."

He pulled me off the ground by my collar. He pinned me against the wall. "Logan, why the fuck would you do this to me? Do you even know the shit that Dak was saying about you down there?"

I looked at him. Dak was my best friend outside of Big Time Rush, there was no way he would say something bad about me. But then again, I didn't know that Dak was gay, obviously I didn't know him. "No…"

Kendall dropped my collar. "He knows that you are gay too. We were talking, that was how I found out. He told me that you were into him, that you were pathetic how you always make yourself available for him." _Dak thinks I'm pathetic?_ "He said that he could never even consider dating someone who is hideous and ugly like you."

He looked at me. I knew that I had a hurt look on my face. Dak was suppose to be one of my friends, but yet he was spreading lies about me. "Kendall, he-"

"I know. He was trying to make me jealous and I guess it worked." He pulled me into a hug, knowing that I was upset about what he had just told me. "Logie, no one is ever going to love you the way I do."

I pulled away and looked at him. "What is that suppose to mean?" I asked with a hurt tone.

"Logie Bear, I didn't mean to upset you. All I meant was that all other people want to do is hurt you. You can't trust anyone but me. I'm the only one who loves you and cares about you. I thought you knew that." I looked at him for a second. I believed him after he said it. I ignored the thoughts saying he was wrong.

"I know that I can't trust anyone else." I said.

He smiled at me and caressed my cheek in a loving way. "I only want to protect you. All everyone else is going to do is take advantage of you. They don't care about you."

I looked down, accepting what he was saying to me. _No, that isn't right. He's trying to control you._ I looked at Kendall. "You're protecting yourself. N-Not me." I stammered.

Kendall dropped his hand away from my face and started to bite down on the inside of his cheek. "Myself? Is that what you really think?" He asked. I could hear the anger in his voice.

I didn't know if I wanted to answer. I knew that I should back down, but I still had a little bit of dignity left and was going to keep it. "Y-Yes. I d-do." I took a breath and tried to find courage. "I don't want you to control me."

He sat down on the bed and pinched the bridge off his nose as if he was trying to stay calm so he could finish listening to what I wanted to say. I looked down at the floor so I could calm myself down a little bit. I needed to relax. "I don't think we should be together anymore." I said, boldly. I looked at him for a moment.

When I said that he looked up at the wall, with a panicked look on his face. Then he smiled and looked at me. "Okay Logie. I understand." He said. He walked over to me and was so close that I was pressed against the wall wishing that I could move back even further. His eyes were hard and cold and I didn't know what he was going to do. I looked him in the eyes waiting for him to punish me for breaking up with him. "So you are breaking up with me?" He asked in a cool voice.

"Y-Yes." I said softly.

I didn't even have time to react. He swung back and punched me dead square in the ribs. I doubled over in pain. I couldn't breath properly and when I did, it hurt more then anything in this world. I caught my breath and stood up. Kendall was standing there patiently waiting for me to stand up. When I finally did stand up he just asked on simple question. "Do you still want to break up? Because I can go on like this all day. Can you, Logie?"

I looked at him for a second and shook my head. I knew that there was no way I could keep taking blows like that last one. I was still having trouble breathing and was having to take slow and steady breaths. "You asshole." was all I could manage to put together.

He looked at me as he walked passed me to the door, but he came back and planted a kiss on my lips and with a smile said, "I knew you would see it my way."

I looked down and I heard the door slam. I felt like I could no longer stand up, so I did the only thing I could think of. I laid down and bed and allowed the sobs to take over my body.

**End Chap**

**A/N: Well I never thought this was possible, but I hate Kendall right now. I got the whole stitches idea from American History X, I watched that movie not to long ago so that was still in my head. But the next chapter is going to be pretty intense, can't wait for you guys to read it.**

**Read and Review please.**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: So this chapter will be pretty intense. **

**Warning: Self mutilation**

**Chapter 4**

"Kendall, open the door." I was banging on it. "Kendall, it's my room too."

I had come home from the library to find that mine and Kendall's bedroom door was locked. I had been knocking for the last five minutes, but he hadn't answered. I finally decided to give up and I sat down on the stairs. Since that stunt he had pulled four months ago, he had been yelling at me daily, hitting me constantly and cheating on me with Jo.

And it was the same thing every time I tried to end things. He would hit me until I finally agreed to stay with him. I had bruises on my body constantly, he mainly hit me in the chest and places where people wouldn't be able to see them. James and Carlos were downstairs playing Call of Duty. They were laughing and having a good time. I didn't hang out with them anymore. Kendall didn't want me to hang out with them, only him.

I pulled out my phone and typed a message up. _Kendall, I'm outside. What are you doing? _I sent it and waited a few minutes when my phone vibrated. It wasn't from Kendall, but it was from Dak. _Hey, I tried calling you a few days ago. Its been months since we've hung out or even talked for that matter. You avoiding me?_

I stared at the phone for a few seconds thinking of what to say. _Look, I've been keeping the same secret from you. I'm gay too and with someone. I don't think its appropriate if we hang out anymore. _I sent it and then patiently waited for a reply. _I already knew that, I've known about you and Kendall for a while now. I would never step on his toes. _I didn't know what to say, if he had noticed who else had. _I still don't think its a good idea. But I'm busy. I'll text you later._

The door was finally opening. I saw Jo walk out with Kendall. She smiled at me. "Hey Logan." I looked down. "Are you okay?" She asked with a concerned look on her face.

_No everything is NOT okay, you just slept with my boyfriend_. Instead of saying that, I nodded and then walked into the room. Kendall was walking her down the steps. I grabbed a bag of clothes I kept packed and I picked them up. I bolted downstairs, Kendall was no where to be seen. "Hey Logan where are you going?" James asked.

"The gym." I muttered. I went to the stair case instead of the elevators. I picked up my phone. I called Dak's number.

-Logan?-

"Hey, can I come to your apartment? I need someone to talk to." I said. I knew that my voice was shaky because I was on the verge of crying.

-Yeah, I'm here.-

I hung up and climbed two stair cases. I knocked on his door, hoping that he would answer the door quickly. He opened the door and motioned for me to come in. As soon as I walked in, I slid down the door and started crying. He walked over to me and hugged me. "Whats going on, Logan?"

I sighed and pulled myself together. "He's sleeping with Jo...I understand he isn't ready to go public but why does he have to sleep with her?" I said miserably.

"Oh, Logan. Just talk to him. I'm sure that he isn't meaning to hurt you and that he is doing it for you guys."

I looked down. "I can't talk to him. He gets mad and he-" I cut myself off. I knew that I had said too much.

He stared at me intently. "So its true then?" He asked. I looked at him with a look of confusion on my face. "Carlos and James came to me. They said that Kendall's anger is out of control and so is he. Is he…is he hitting you?" I shook my head. I couldn't meet his gaze though. "You can tell me Logan."

"He yells at me everyday, he is cheating on me all the time and he is hitting me. He raped me once too, I had to get stitches" I said sadly. I looked down. I couldn't meet his gaze. "But I deserve it, I always do things intentionally to get him mad or jealous."

"Logan look at me." Dak said softly. I meet his gaze. "No one deserves to be hit by the person they are dating. I'm going to text James and Carlos. They are really concerned about what is going on."

While he was doing that I pulled out my phone. _Kendall, I'm going back to Minnesota with my family. I can't take this anymore._ I sent the text. I didn't want him to get mad at Dak, because he had threatened several times to hurt him.

I felt my phone vibrate. "Hello?"

-Get your ass back here- Kendall was not happy about me leaving.

"I will, I just need time out of the house right now." I said. I couldn't face him yet.

-Where are you?-

"I'm out." I hung up and turned my phone off. I didn't want to deal with this right now. There was a knock on the door. Carlos and James walked in and sat down on the floor next to me. "Hey Carlitos."

He smiled at me weakly. "How long?"

"About five months. I couldn't tell you guys, he told me not to." I finally broke down and told them everything that was going on. Everything Kendall had been doing and how miserable and broken I was.

"Logan...he doesn't love you. He is destroying you, making it to where you can be controlled. He's playing a game with you." Dak said.

"How do you know, Dak?" I looked at him. "He loves me, he tells me all the time. I make him do it."

I saw that Dak was near tears. He looked down. "I know because I went through the exact same thing with my first Logan. Tony was my everything. A year ago I was in your shoes, but I got away. You can too."

"You don't know what you are talking about." I said. "Me and Kendall really do have something. Its not bad all the time." I reasoned.

James hugged me. "You are crying yourself to sleep almost every night. Logan, why don't you move into my room? We can all three manage in there. We have the mattress."

I nodded. "Okay. But you guys are still wrong. Maybe Kendall and I just need a little space."

We all three got ready to walk out the door. "Logan," Dak said. "Listen, I've been down this road before. Tony almost killed me. He beat me within an inch of my life, don't let it get that far. Get out while you still can." I looked at him. I finally had a good idea where the scar at his hairline had come from.

I walked up to the apartment with James and Carlos. "We'll walk with you so he doesn't try anything." James said. When we walked in Kendall was watching tv. "Hey Kendall." He looked up and saw me.

"Logan, we need to talk. Can we talk in our room?" He asked.

Carlos and James nodded. "We will do it after you two talk." I nodded and walked into mine and Kendall's room.

"WHERE DID YOU GO?" I didn't answer. I didn't look at him. I started packing some things in my duffle bags. "Logan, what are you doing?"

"I went for a walk okay? I'm moving into James and Carlos' room, I think we just need a little bit of separation. I think if we just get a little separation we will be fine. I'm not saying we break up but just get a little space."

"No, you are going to stay in here with me." He said softly. "I don't want you to go Logan. I ended things with Jo. I told her about us, she promises not to say anything."

I looked at him suspiciously. "I don't believe you."

He picked up his phone. "Look at my text."

I clicked on his inbox. _Kendall- Listen, I can't hurt Logan anymore. The truth is we are together, and I don't think I can see you anymore. Jo-What? For how long? Kendall-We've been together for eight months now. Jo-Don't talk to me again. Kendall-Please don't tell anyone, please. Jo-As long as you don't talk to me EVER again._

I looked up at him and smiled. "Kendall..."

"Logie, I have been so cranky because I hate cheating on you. But Jo was getting suspicious when I wasn't doing anything with her. She was asking questions about you and me. I had to get her off our tracks." He sounded so caring. But I held my facial expression to look like I didn't really care.

"I don't deserve the way you treat me."

"You just drive me so crazy. But I won't yell at you anymore." He smiled. "Where did you go on a walk to?" He asked trying to abruptly change the topic.

I swallowed. "Oh…well you know…walked around the pool, then the park, talked to Lightening, bleep blap bloop." I knew I had given myself away.

"Why are you lying to me? Where were you?"

I knew that it would be best if I just told him. "I called Dak…"

His nose flared with anger. "What did you tell him?" He yelled.

"Just that we were fighting more. Nothing serious baby." I wrapped my arms around him. He quickly shrugged me off.

He looked at me like I was the craziest person in this world. "So you go talk about our personal life with a guy I hate with a passion? You come out to him about us without discussing it with me?" I tried to hug him again. He pushed me off of him. I fell to the ground. "I'm done Logan. I can't believe that you would do that."

I looked at him. "Kendall, I was hurting…I'm so sorry. Please…" He only gave me a cold stare. "Kendall, I've given you so many chances, I deserve a second chance." He walked out of the room. I went into the upstairs bathroom and locked myself in there.

I pulled my phone out and turned it on. _Dak, he broke up with me because I was talking to you._ I sat there thinking waiting for a response. I banged my head against the wall. The pain was comforting in an odd way. I thought for a second, I opened the medicine cabinet and grabbed one of my disposable razor blades. I started trying to take the blades apart.

I put it down when my phone started vibrating. _Are you okay? Don't do anything stupid. Just keep it together and let him cool down, then talk to him. _I pushed reply and typed. _It won't work._

I started working on taking apart the blade. I winced whenever I stabbed my finger with it. My phone vibrated. _Want me to talk to him? _I picked up my phone. _No! I'm gonna go to bed. I'll text you tomorrow._

I finally got the three blades separated. I took one in between two of my fingers and then looked around for a place to hide the other two. I stuck them in my bottle of medicine for my stomach. I sat down on the toilet. I lifted up my sleeve and held the blade to my skin, I barely pressed it to my skin and slid it about an inch. Nothing happened, I didn't start bleeding right away.

I frowned, I put the blade to my arm and actually pressed it in and sliced. I hissed in pain, but it felt good. I did it over and over again. _Three…Four…Five…Six…Seven…Eight…Nine…Ten. _I kept going and going. I was finally at sixteen and felt relaxed, and calm. Something I hadn't felt in a really long time.

Someone knocked on the door. "Logan, I need to take a piss." Kendall said.

I was quiet. "I'm about to jump in the shower." I said quickly. I started the shower. I rinsed the blood off of the blade and put it in the pill bottle. I noticed I was dripping blood on the floor. I jumped in the shower and watched as the water had a red tint to it. I smiled. Cutting myself had made me forget Kendall for all of ten minutes. But it was a nice little escape. I felt like I could make it through the rest of the night. I heard my phone buzz, someone was calling. I sighed and turned the water off and dried of with the towel. I wiped the blood off my arm, but it was quickly replaced with new blood. I glanced at my phone. One missed call: Kendall. I frowned.

_Shit Kendall! I don't want Kendall to see this. _I threw my clothes over my arm and walked into my room. Kendall looked at me and went to the bathroom. I quickly threw on some boxers. I took scissors and cut the end of the tube sock and put that on my arm to contain the bleeding. I threw on one of my long sleeved striped night shirts and then a pair of sweat pants.

Kendall was walking back into the room. I didn't look at him, I grabbed one of the pillows off the bed and a change of clothes and went to leave. I knocked on Carlos and James' door. They opened it. "Did he hit you?"

I shook my head. "No, he broke up with me." I threw myself down on the mattress they had set up and stayed there.

Kendall came in. "Dinner's ready."

James and Carlos got up and made their way to the door. "Are you coming?" They asked.

"I don't feel good. I'm gonna stay here."

I fell asleep. This went on for a week, I laid in bed all day. I only got up to drink water, eat something every now and then. I got up to shower and cut myself. I was getting out of the shower, Kendall and I had been broken up for eight days now. I looked at my body, there were no bruises on my body. I looked at my arm. An inch from the wrist, all the way up to my mid upper arm were covered with cuts.

I hadn't seen Kendall, I had made sure of it. I didn't talk to anyone. I pretended to sleep when James and Carlos were in the room and I had my phone off. I walked out of the bathroom. Kendall was waiting for me. I started walking back to James and Carlos' room. He came after me and grabbed my arm and dragged me into our room.

_Shit, the socks aren't on my arms, I hope I don't start bleeding._ "Listen...Logan. I'm sorry that I overreacted. I felt so bad the next day. You were avoiding me though, James and Carlos said that all you were doing was sleeping. I couldn't apologize for breaking up with you and tell you how big of a mistake I made."

I didn't look at him. "It's okay, Kendall."

"So are we okay?" He was looking at me with pleading eyes. I nodded. He hugged me. "Lets go get your things out of the other room."

I followed him into the room and we grabbed all of my stuff. We walked back into our room. When we got back in he pulled me on the bed and pulled me close to him. He hugged me and held me close. He pulled my arm up. "Are you bleeding?"

I panicked. "Oh look at that, I better go clean that up." I stood up and ran to the bathroom. First though, I grabbed a pair of socks. "My feet are cold."

Before I could close the door Kendall was in there with me. He lifted up my sleeve. "Jesus christ, Logan." He pulled up the other sleeve. "Take off your shirt."

"Kendall..." I said. He pulled my shirt off before I could even protest.

I tried to hide them, but he pulled them back and looked at them. He traced his fingers over several of the cuts. He turned around and closed and locked the door. "Logan, what have you been cutting yourself with?"

I was quiet for a second. He wanted to help me. I opened the cabinet and pulled the razor blades out of my pill bottle and handed them to him. He closed them in his hands and then flushed them down the toilet. "I'm sorry..."

"Do not, and I mean do not ever do it again." Kendall said. I nodded. "He pulled me into his arms and then kissed the top of my head. He pulled out my arms and made light kisses up and down both of them.

We went back into the room and he sat me down. "Listen, there are some rules for us getting back together." I looked at him. "I don't want you around Dak, James or Carlos. They are trying to break us up and I don't appreciate it. I do not want you near them at all." I nodded. "Next, I want to know where you are at and with who at all times if we are not together. And lastly, I want you to prove your love to me."

I looked at him with pleading eyes. "How am I suppose to do that?" I asked.

He got a nasty smile on his face. "Call Dak...yell at him. Tell him that he was never your friend and that you could never love someone like him. That I am the perfect person for you and that you love me and ONLY me."

"Ken-"

"I guess you don't love me then." I stood up and went to grab my phone. When he saw it in my hands his smile got nastier. "And make it convincing…or else."

I felt my body uncontrollably shiver. I dialed Dak's number, it rang twice. "Hello? Logan? Are you okay?"

**End Chapter**

**A/N: Oh man, Kendall is so mean and I'm the writer but I still feel bad for Logan while I'm writing.**

**Read and Review please.**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: I'm definitely loving this story. Updating might be slower than it has been because I have a lot of work the next few days**

**Chapter 5**

"Hello." Dak's voice was frantic. "I'm fine, why wouldn't I be?"

-Because, James and Carlos said that you and Kendall broke up. I tried calling you everyday but your phone was off.-

I took a deep breath. How was I suppose to be mean? Dak was my buddy. I knew that if I wasn't hateful that Kendall would hurt me and Dak and I couldn't let that happened. I wasn't sure if I could handle it if something happened to him because of me. So I did the only thing I could think of. I imagined I was defending Dak instead of Kendall. Kendall grabbed my phone out of my hands and put it on speaker. "Well, I was miserable without Kendall. I didn't talk to anyone."

-But it's me Logie.- I saw Kendall's nose flare when Dak had used the pet name he used.

"Dak, you aren't anything special I don't have those kind of feelings for you. I never could. I love Kendall. I don't think I could ever love someone like you." I said harshly, hating myself as I said every single word.

-What? Someone who would show you what love is really like? Someone who would treat you right, instead of using you as a punching back?-

Kendall looked at me and I could see the anger and hatred in his eyes. He didn't know that I had told Dak about him hitting me.

"Kendall, doesn't hit me, I don't even know why you would think that. You may love me but I could never love you. You are nothing compared to Kendall. Kendall is everything I want and more."

-Logie, I just thought since you were always covered in bruises that he hit you.- He must have caught on that Kendall was listening.

"Don't call me Logie. Only Kendall can call me that." I said. "Dak, I don't want to talk to you ever again. I was never your friend, I wanted to make a fool of you just to prove that I could and now that I have I think it would be best if you didn't talk to me anymore."

I heard Dak chuckle on the phone. -When you finally realize you can do better than Kendall, why don't you give me a call...Logie.-

Kendall had lost it, he grabbed the phone out of my hand. "He doesn't want to be with you end of story, didn't you hear him? He didn't ever like you."

All Dak said was -I heard.- With that he hung up. I knew that even if he hadn't said so Dak understood what had just happened. He knew it wasn't me. I was sure that it was because if his relationship with that Tony guy he had mentioned. I couldn't look at Kendall. I didn't want to face him.

"You call that convincing? No wonder he's in love with you. You have only been leading him on for how many months now?" Kendall said in my face. "You didn't prove anything to me just now. The only thing that you proved was that you don't love me."

I shot my face up to look at him. "I do love you, Kendall. I love you more then anything in this world. I don't even know how you could say I don't. I would do anything for you."

Kendall smiled. "Well your love for me obviously wasn't enough for you to yell at Dak was it?" I started to protest but he held a finger up to stop me. "I'll give you another chance though, because I love you and I want to see it for myself that you love me too." He paused for a few minutes thinking. "James and Carlos are downstairs…tell them you can't be friends with them. And Logie, this time make it convincing."

I sat there for a few seconds. I knew that I had to think of what to say, so that I could do this the right way and prove that I did love Kendall, if he wanted me to prove my love then I would do it in anyway he wanted me to. "Well?" Kendall asked.

"I'm thinking. I didn't have time to think about what to say to Dak." He nodded and laid down with his hands behind his head. I finally had it all together. I knew what I had to do and say. I ran downstairs where Carlos and James were playing video games.

"Dak told us you would be doing this. We'll play along..." I heard James mutter under his breath.

"How could you guys tell Dak that Kendall hits me when we all know that isn't true!" I screamed at them. By then Kendall was standing up on the stairs smiling at me.

"Logan-"

"NO! I don't want to hear it you guys are jealous of me and Kendall. You guys are trying to break us up. You guys were suppose to be my best friends. You want Kendall for yourself. You never liked the fact that we were together." I felt crummy yelling at them. I knew that they only wanted to help.

James stood up. "We are your best friends."

"If you were you wouldn't try and break me and Kendall up." I yelled. They were quiet. They didn't want to fight back because they might let something slip. They were looking down. "When you see me in the house or at the studio don't bother saying hi or even look at me. Just walk on by, and I'll do the same for you. In my eyes you are dead to me."

I had heard that once in a soap opera named All My Children and decided that it would make it sound more convincing. I ran up the stairs and met Kendall's smiling gaze. "Logan how could you talk like that to two of your best friends?" He looked down. "I'm sorry guys, I know you guys would never do anything to break us up. Logan just likes to be a little drama queen isn't that right, Logie?"

He wanted to prove to me and them that he was the one in control and there was nothing that they could do. He wanted to show them that I was his. I had realized it as soon has he had said that.

I walked into our room and laid down on the bed with my face in the pillow. _I wonder if Kendall would even care if suffocated myself. It'd be a nice little experiment. _I heard the door close and Kendall was behind me cuddling with me. "You did good, Logie Bear." With that he planted a kiss on my forehead. I didn't want this anymore. I didn't want him to hit me or yell at me and I wasn't sure I could take it too much longer before I was finally completely broken. I wanted him to be the boyfriend he was in the beginning.

"Umm, Logie, I want sex." He started kissing my neck and sucking on it. "Take off your pants."

_How romantic. _I obeyed though, I slipped them off and threw them on the ground. Kendall had been doing this once a day, sometimes even twice. He would use me as his little sex slave and then he would just toss me to the side. I didn't concentrate on anything but trying not to enjoy it. He tried over and over again to make me get some sort of pleasure out of it. I felt him thrusting inside me and he hit a spot that made me curl my toes and want to cry out in pleasure, but I didn't want to give him the satisfaction.

"What's the matter Logie? Not enjoying this?" He said seductively into my ear. He took my earlobe in his mouth and then breathed in my ear. He quickened his pace. He hit that spot over and over. I finally gave in and let a moan escape my lips. "Mmmm, that's better."

When he was done, he did exactly what he did every other single time. I pulled away from him and turned my back to him while he got dressed. He jumped on the bed, kissed my forehead and muttered. "Thanks Logie. I really needed that.

The next day I was walking painfully back into the Palm Woods. Gustavo and Mr. X had made our lives hell for eight hours straight. With every note I sang and every move I made my chest hurt from the new bruises I had from Kendall. I even had to stay there to work with Mr. X longer than everybody. I had sweat so much my shirt was soaked and I couldn't roll my sleeves up because that would mean everyone would see the red cuts on my arms.

When I walked into the lobby I felt someone grab my hand and pullt me down onto the couch. "Logan, I haven't heard anything are you okay?"

"Dak, I can't talk to you." I tried to stand up but he pulled me back down. "Dak, I'm going to be dead if Kendall sees this."

"No you won't be, I won't let him kill you and besides do you see Kendall anywhere around here?" I looked around and decided he was right.

"But if someone tells him..."

"Logan, I just want to know if you are okay." I looked at him for a brief second.

I didn't know how to answer because I clearly wasn't okay. I was bruised and battered and I wanted nothing more than to tell him to take me to his apartment and hide me in there for the rest of my life. "I'm fine. Look Kendall, will be mad if I'm not there soon." And the before he could even notice what I was doing I stood up and ran to the elevators and got into it before he could follow.

I walked into the apartment and saw James and Carlos sitting there. "He just walked upstairs a few seconds ago and he didn't look happy at all." Carlos warned. I nodded and slowly walked up the stairs.

When I got there Kendall was jiggling his leg on his bed looking at his phone. When he saw me he held it up to me. "Jo sent this to me." It was a picture of Dak and me in the lobby, he was holding my hand." It was when he pulled me back down to the couch. He looked at his phone and read what Jo had written. "Looks like Logan really cares about you, huh?"

_Shit, fuck, fuck, FUCK! _I screamed in my head. I didn't know what to say, I knew that no matter what I said he wasn't going to believe me. He was going to think that I was cheating on him. "Kendall, its not what it looks like."

"Oh really? Because it looks like he's holding your hand. It looks like you are trying to make me look like a fool, Logan" He said. He threw his phone at me. I ducked out of the way to try and avoid it hitting me.

"Kendall, he was waiting for me in the lobby. He cornered me, I tried to walk away but he kept pulling me back down. That's what is going on here. I'm not cheating on you, I don't talk to Dak. I told him I wanted nothing to do with him" I knew that he wasn't going to believe me.

He walked towards me and I let out a breath when he walked passed me. I heard the door slam and I relaxed, but I didn't know then it was a mistake. I felt Kendall grab the back of my head and throw me to the ground.

"You think you can go behind my back and see Dak? Is that why you sucked today, were you hoping that Gustavo would make you stay there so that you could see Dak?" I laid on the ground not wanting to say anything because I was afraid if I did that it would only cause him to get angrier. I felt his foot come into contact with my side. "ANSWER ME!"

I was gasping for air, that kick had winded me and I couldn't seem to find my voice. "Kendall, I didn't know that Dak was going to be there. I swear, I love you. I don't want anything to do with him."

I hoped that would calm him down, but it didn't. I felt him kick me again. "WHY? Why would you betray me like that?" He screamed. He was pacing with his hands on his face trying to control himself. "Do you not want to be with me? I have protected you and defended you from everyone! Then you...you do this?"

I looked down in shame. I knew that I had made a mistake, I should have pushed Dak away and came straight to the apartment. How could I be stupid enough to talk to Dak? "I'm so sorry Kendall, please, please forgive me."

He looked at me and he met my gaze with a cold and hard stare. "You're sorry? You're sorry? That's it?" He changed his voice to mimic mine. "I'm sorry Kendall, I'm sorry that I'm always talking to people you don't like, I'm sorry that I am sleeping with a guy you hate. I'm sorry that I'm such a slut."

The last word hit me hard. "Kendall...its only you. Its only ever been you…you were the first person I ever had sex with. You're the only one I've ever had sex with. I had only kissed one person before you."

"Stop lying to me!" He kicked me in the face and I felt the pain in my nose. I saw blood gushing onto the floor. I grabbed my nose and started crying. "You're not sorry, not yet. You don't even know how sorry you're going to be."

He turned around and pulled me up by my throat. I couldn't breath, he was crushing my wind pipe. I felt his grasp get harder. "Ken-Kendall..." I managed to say. "Can't…breathe."

My head was spinning and I was dizzy. I needed air. _He's going to kill me, he's really going to kill me._ I did the only thing I could think of. I kicked him in the shin as hard as I possibly could. "GODDAMMIT!" He yelled. He grabbed his shin.

I took gasping breaths trying to get it caught up to where it needed to be. He looked at me and if possible he was even angrier than he had been before. "Kendall, I-I didn't mean to. I-I just couldn't breathe. You were going to kill me."

I started trying to crawl away. He stomped on my back. I screamed out in pain. I saw Kendall run and lock the door and then I heard someone banging on it. "WHATS GOING ON?" I heard James yell.

"Kendall, this isn't funny. Open the door!" Carlos screamed.

He ignored them and came back over to me. He kicked me over to where I was laying on my back. I felt him straddle me and plop down putting all this weight on me. Then I felt him wailing on me. He started with my face and then he was hitting wherever he could, as hard as he could.

I put my arms up trying to protect my face. I couldn't take anymore pain, I knew that I had to try and protect myself. I looked at Kendall, he had blood splattered on his face. My blood. Each of his fist was covered in blood. My blood.

He stopped all of the sudden. He looked at me for a second and then sat on the bed. He pinched the bridge of his nose and then paced a few seconds. I felt myself going in and out of it. I looked at him and he was on the bed, the next second he was walking. Then I saw him over me again. "Why are you making me do this to you Logie?" He asked.

I started coughing. Blood was in my throat and it was pouring out of my mouth. I could taste the familiar metal taste. "Ken-Kendall, please no more."

He laughed at me. He laughed for a good few seconds. He straddled me once again and I felt another blow to my face. I wanted to pass out, I knew that it would be better because I wouldn't have to go through this.

"I love you, Logie." I heard Kendall say. I could barely focus on him, it looked like there was seven of him. I felt his hands close around my neck again. I had no strength left in me. I was fading to black, my head was dizzy again and I was letting it take me over this time rather than fighting it. Then I felt nothing.

**End Chapter**

**A/N: This was pretty intense. I was on the edge of my seat just writing it!**

**Read and Review**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: I am so glad that I am getting so much feedback on this story. I hope that it keeps up.**

**Chapter 6**

I felt pain, I felt like I had been run over by a car. "Logan?" I heard a familiar voice asked. I fluttered my eyes open and saw Mrs. Knight sitting in a chair next to me. "Oh Logan, I'm so glad that you finally woke up." I felt her arms around me.

"Where am I?" I asked. I looked around, but already knew once I saw an IV in each of my arms. I was in the hospital. Kendall had put me in the hospital.

"Honey, you're in the hospital." She looked at me with a smile on her face trying to soothe me.

"Where is Kendall?" I asked trying to sit up. I felt my head spin and decided it was best if I just stayed laying down. I looked at Mrs. Knight she had a worried look on her face.

"He's in the waiting room. Everyone is worried about you honey. But I need to ask you something and it is very important, I wanted to wait until you came to before I made any decisions." She was looking at me very intently. I waited for her to continue. "Do you want to press charges against Kendall for what he did?"

I looked at her like she was crazy. I silently wondered why she would think I would want to press charges against my boyfriend. "No, I don't." I said softly.

"Are you sure, sweetie? There is no excuse for what he did to you. Katie tried to tell me that his anger was getting out of control. I just didn't want to think that my son would do something like this, can you ever forgive me?" She asked softly.

I gave her a weak smile. "You have nothing to be sorry about Mama Knight."

She chuckled nervously and I saw tears rolling down her eyes. "Logan, what happened to your arms?" I didn't say anything. I didn't know what to say. "Did you do this to yourself?" I stared at my arms for a few seconds before I nodded. "Oh honey, the doctors want to send you to a mental hospital. The decision is mine and mine alone. I want you to go, but I don't want you to resent me for giving the okay."

I didn't know what to think. In a way, I knew that would be best for me. It would give me some time to get my head together and get over what was going on and make some important decisions I knew I had to make. "I wouldn't resent you...maybe it would be best if I did go." I didn't want to be away from everyone, but I had done it for the last few months and knew that I needed time away from Kendall. "Can I see everyone now?"

She nodded and stood up. "Who do you want to see?" She asked. "You can only have three visitors at a time."

"I want to see Kendall, first." I said. She nodded and walked out of the room. I looked over to my left and saw a mirror. I forced myself to sit up so I could see my reflection. I didn't recognize myself. My left eye was swollen shut and my right eye was a deep shade of purple. I had a butterfly bandaid on my nose and my left cheek was swollen and bruised. I sighed and laid back down.

I heard a knock on the door. "Logie?" I saw Kendall walk in. "Oh, Logie. I'm so sorry, I didn't mean for things to go this far."

He walked over to me in two strides and wrapped his arms around me.I leaned into his embrace and started crying. "Kendall...how...how could you do this to me. You told me that you loved me." I pulled away from him and saw that he too was sporting a black eye.

"I do love you Logan, I just." He paused so that he could think for a few seconds. "I just lose control sometimes you know that. I never mean to hurt you." I didn't say anything I didn't know what to say. "My mom is sending me to anger management. I will be in a hospital for five days and then released to work on it outside of the hospital. She told me if I didn't go that she would move me back to Minnesota and I would never lay eyes on you again."

I smiled. He choose to try and change so that he could keep me. Then my brain kicked in. He wasn't suppose to hurt me like this. "I hope you change Kendall. I can't be with you until you do change."

Kendall looked down. I thought that he was mad, but when he looked up he had tears in his eyes. "I know. I have hurt you and I am going to change. I want to be with you more than anything in this world. I can't even begin to imagine a life where I couldn't call you my boyfriend."

"You are going to have to for a little while. I can't do this right now, I want to move out of the apartment when I am released, I don't want to be near you until you can prove that you won't hurt me." I said bluntly. My thoughts were finally screaming louder than Kendall's voice in my head.

"I don't want you to move out, what do you want me to do. I swear, I will do anything." He pleaded.

"What do I want? I want you to stop cheating on me. I want you to get your anger under control and I want you to be the Kendall I fell in love with. I want you to tell me that you love me and mean it. I don't want to have to live in fear of you anymore. I want to know that if you have a bad day you won't take it out on me." I said softly. I felt tears streaming down my face again. "But until you can do all those things, I think its best I move out so that I'm not around you."

He put his face in his hands crying. He stood up and walked to the door. "I'm sorry Logan. I will make this right, I promise." He didn't wait for my response. He walked out of the room. I hit the bed in frustration.

Things weren't suppose to be like this. I was suppose to be happy with Kendall. He was suppose to take me on dates and he was suppose to show me how much he loved and cared. But he didn't do that. He hit me, yelled at me and made me feel like I was nothing. He had broken me, he had destroyed me so that he could control me. I didn't know who I was anymore.

I heard the door open again. I wiped away my tears. I saw James, Carlos and Dak walk in nervously. "Hey Loganator." Carlos said with a grin. I looked down. "Are you feeling okay?"

"No. My boyfriend almost killed me, I don't know how he didn't." I said. The thought had finally come into my head. He wasn't letting go of my throat when I passed out. He should have killed me.

James walked over to me and wrapped an arm around me in a soothing matter. "He didn't kill you because Carlos and I broke down the door. We knew that he was hurting you and we weren't going to just let it happen." He paused. I could tell that thinking about it hurt him. "When we came in he was choking you. You were unconscious on the floor. I tackled Kendall and punched him a few times in the face." James said smoothly.

"I was checking on you. You still had a pulse. The doctors said that you blacked out from all the pain you were in." Carlos was near tears. "I thought he had killed you when we first got in there. I thought that you were dead." Carlos finally started sobbing. Dak hugged him.

I didn't know how to process all the information I was given. James and Carlos had saved my life. I owed them a lot. They were the reason I was laying in this bed. "Thank you." was all I managed to say.

"Logan, you need to break up with Kendall." Dak said softly. "I know that you don't want to, but he is dangerous and none of us want to lose you."

I knew that he was right. "I told him that I couldn't be with him until he changed." I said sadly. They all smiled at me. It amazed me that they could be happy about that while I was miserable. "I hope he does change. And I need to talk to Gustavo about moving me into my own apartment. I can't handle being around Kendall."

"You can just move in with us." Carlos offered.

"I don't want to see him around the house. I can see him at the studio but I don't think I can handle seeing him at the house. At the house he may want to try and soothe things over and I'm not ready for that at least at the studio everyone is there and watching us and he can't corner me." I said.

I was trying to hide how hurt I was to Carlos and James, I didn't think they could ever understand how I was feeling. But Dak...Dak had gone through this before and I knew that he would understand. I knew that he could help me.

"Why don't you stay with me?" Dak asked. "I have an apartment to myself. You could crash on the pull out."

I thought about it for a second. "I don't know, Dak. I don't want to hurt Kendall. I don't want him to think that we are together."

"Who gives a damn what Kendall thinks!" James yelled getting annoyed.

"James." Dak said in a voice that seemed to be telling him to stop. "What he is TRYING to say is that you shouldn't be worrying about Kendall right now. You need to focus on you so that you can get over what has been happening to you the last several months."

I thought and knew that Dak was right. I needed to focus on me and I couldn't sit there and worry about Kendall all the time. "I am going to be in the hospital for a while though." I said feeling embarassed.

"Look, Logan, you need to get better. Because this..." James said pointing to my arms. "Scares the hell out of me. You should have talked to me and Carlos instead of butchering your arms."

"I know, I just didn't think you cared. I didn't want to burden you with my problems. You and Carlitos have dealt with a lot thanks to me and Kendall."

Carlos was the next to speak. "Are you saying that Kendall told you that we didn't care?" He asked motioning to himself and James. I nodded. I knew then that Kendall had lied to me, he had manipulated me so that he didn't have to worry about James and Carlos ruining what he had going for him. "He was wrong. We love you, you're like our brother. We would have helped you in any way we possibly could have."

I looked at them in awe for a moment. "I feel like such a fool." I said. I turned my back to them so they wouldn't see the tears falling from my eyes. "Kendall told me that he loved me and that no one else cared about me. That he was the only one I could depend on."

I felt someone rubbing my back. "We all care about you, Logan." Dak said in a soothing voice. "We would all three do anything for you. We want to help you."

I thought back to everything Kendall had told me about them. "He told me that you were saying how pathetic I am." He said to Dak. "That you said I made myself too available to you and that you found it funny that I was in love with you even though I didn't stand a chance because of how I look."

I turned my attention to James and Carlos. "He told me that you two were telling him that I was too needy and that he should break up with me. That you guys couldn't stand me anymore and wanted to kick me out of the band."

After I had told them what Kendall had said, I felt like an idiot for believing him like I did. I should have known that they would never say that. They all three were looking from me and then to each other.

"Of course, we don't feel that way. There would be no Big Time Rush without you." James said.

"Yeah, we already found out that having three members doesn't work, remember?" Carlos asked. I thought back to when James had temporarily left the band. It was a disaster to say the least.

Dak, however was quiet. "I did say something to Kendall, but that wasn't it at all." He seemed like he didn't want to go on. "I told him that I was thankful to have you because of how you were always there for me and if you didn't have anything planned you were there whenever I needed you. I told him that whoever you were with was lucky to have such a caring guy. But I never once said anything about you being pathetic."

I was quiet. I had already known that Kendall was lying. "He manipulated me, he took away my friends."

Dak hugged me. "It's only because he knew that controlling you would be easier that way. Without us, there was no way you were going to leave him. If you had us, we may have been able to reason with you."

"I feel so stupid." I said.

"Not to be inconsiderate or rude but when he hit you the first time, why did you stay?" Carlos asked.

I looked down trying to think of an answer. "It's not that easy Carlos. I loved him by then. It's not like on the first date he hit me, we had been dating for three months and I wanted to be with him. I loved him more than anything and didn't want to lose him. I still love him." I admitted sadly.

"Maybe he will change?" Carlos asked, as if unsure whether that was the right thing to say.

"I hope so, because for me a life without Kendall isn't a life at all." I felt the truth of the last statement really hit me. Without Kendall my life meant nothing. He was my reason to live and breathe. I needed him like I needed food and water. I couldn't even begin to imagine what life would be like if he couldn't change.

"I use to say that about Tony." Dak said. He gave me an encouraging smile. "Believe me when I say that it gets easier."

I hoped so, I didn't think I could handle feeling the way I did at that moment all the time. I sighed. I heard a knock on the door and my doctor walked in. It was the same doctor I had when I needed stitches.

"Mr. Mitchell, I am just now getting time to come speak to you. I apologize for the delay." Dr. Steven's reviewed the chart he had in his hands. "Well, your MRI shows that you had no internal bleeding and that you have a minor concussion. That shouldn't be too much of a problem though. Lets see, broken nose, four broken ribs and a broken zygomatic bone."

"A broken cheek?" I asked. "Is that even possible to fix?" Dr. Stevens looked at me with pure shock on his face. "I want to be a doctor." I explained.

He smiled. "Well with surgery it is possible to fix. We need to reposition the bone and then it will heal on its own. But overall, you will be in here for about three days. You are set for surgery tomorrow morning."

With that he walked out and left me in there with Dak and the others. "I need surgery great. Wait til Gustavo hears that I'm gonna have a scar on my face." I said.

"You'll be fine, they have medicines to hide scars." James said. "Trust me, I had a cut on my eyebrow and it never scarred. See?" He put his head right in front of mine. I looked but sure enough there was no scar.

I laughed at how only James would be so worried about a scar on his eyebrow. They all seemed surprised when I laughed. I knew they hadn't expected it.

"I don't want you guys to walk on egg shells around me. That isn't going to help me, I need you guys to be normal. Otherwise, I'm not sure I will ever be normal again." I said.

They all nodded. I knew that I had a lot of work ahead of me, but I was confident I could do it. But one question lingered in my head. Sure I could change, but could Kendall?

**End chapter**

**A/N: Oh my god, I rewrote this chapter about four times before I got this. I didn't know how to write it and how to have the aftermath come out. But I must say I am quite satisfied with this.**

**Read and Review please.**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: I'm not quite sure how much longer this story will be, I'm debating on whether ending it and then doing a sequel, but we shall see.**

**Chapter 7**

I sat at a table looking at the piece of paper one of the nurses at Parkland mental hospital had handed me. It was my third day here and I was still extremely uncomfortable. I read the paper, _Today I feel...oh that easy, hurt, confused and lonely. I feel this way because...my boyfriend, scratch that my ex boyfriend hit me and controlled me. And I'm here alone._

I sighed, I wasn't adjusting well and I wished then that I had told Mama Knight I didn't want to go to a mental hospital. We went around telling each other what we had written down, I looked around and saw ten others looking just as hurt and lonely as I was. "Would you like to share today Logan?" Ben asked me, he was my favorite nurse that worked here. He didn't pry or push, he accepted me shaking my head and moved onto the next person.

After group was done I handed him my sheet. "Logan?" He asked as I was turning away from him. "I've read your sheets the last two days and a few others here are coping with the same things you are, if you share you would have someone to talk to."

I nodded. "I'm just not ready yet." I said and then walked back to my room. I laid down on my bed, I still hadn't had my session today with Dr. Alexander. She was a nice lady but when I was with her I didn't much of say anything. Just short answers and nods.

I looked to my right, my roommate, Jason was here because his girlfriend had left him. He tried to kill himself but he had failed. I sighed and couldn't help but feel I didn't belong here. I had never tried to kill myself. I would never do anything like that. My father had always told me that suicide is for cowards, its for people who couldn't face their problems.

"Logan?" I looked up to see Dr. Alexander, "Are you ready for today's session?"

I nodded and stood up. When we got to the empty room I had come to be familiar with I sat down on the chair that was in there. "So how are you feeling today?" I shrugged my shoulders. "Logan, I don't want to push you but you not talking isn't helping anything. You aren't showing any progress at all and to be quite frank Mrs. Knight is starting to worry."

I felt guilty. Everyone had been worried, I wasn't accepting visitors and the last thing I wanted to do was cause anyone any more worry over me. "I guess I'm just feeling confused." I said after several moments.

"Because of what Kendall did to you?" She asked.

"Yeah, but its not just the hitting and the fact he almost killed me. It's everything else to. He lied to me, told me that I didn't have friends and he cheated on me. I never did anything wrong. I never looked at another guy I don't understand why he felt I deserved this." I said softly.

"Kendall, like you, is having issues with himself. People who control and do things like he did only do so because of some kind of insecurity they have." Dr. Alexander said. I couldn't believe that Kendall was the most confident person I had ever met. "How are you adjusting to Parkland? Do you think you will see any visitors today?"

I thought about it. Dak, James and Carlos had been here to see me everyday since I arrived, but I had refused to see them. I wasn't ready to face them yet. "I feel out of my comfort zone here. I've never had to be outside my bubble and for the first time I am. I usually do well with change because I've always had Kendall, James and Carlos with me."

"Then maybe seeing them will help you adjust." She suggested.

I decided that maybe she was right. The rest of the session I didn't say much. I went back to my room, another group was getting ready to start, but I didn't want to go. I laid back down on my bed, "Logan, you have a call." I looked up and saw a girl, I was pretty sure her name was Melissa. She was here because her father hit her and she tried to kill herself.

I stood up and walked to the phone. "Hello?" I asked.

-Logan!- I heard Carlos and James scream. I smiled to myself. -Can we come see you today, we miss you.-

I knew that my doctor was right, I needed their help so that I could adjust better. "Yeah, I guess I'm ready now."

-Really?- Carlos yelled. -Can we bring Dak? He wants to come too.-

"Yeah, bring Dak. I'll see you guys soon." I hung up. I looked at the clock it was 10:30, lunch started at noon and that was when we were able to have visitors. I went back to my room and decided to take a shower. I pushed the button in the shower. It was frustrating because the water only stayed on for a minute and was cold for half of the time. I quickly washed my body and hair. I got out and started drying off.

There was a knock on the door. "Yeah?" I asked.

"I need to see that you are okay." I heard Ben say. I hated it, they did rounds every fifteen minutes and had to physically see that I wasn't harming myself. I sighed and peeked through the door, trying to cover myself up. "Sorry, about that. But-"

"I know, you're just doing your job." With that I closed the door. I grabbed a pair of clothes that James had picked out for me. Everyone wore sweats here, thanks to James I was still wearing jeans, button ups and my famous sweater vests. I quickly tugged them on and put on the slip on shoes I had with me.

By lunch time I was anxiously waiting at the nurses station for the three guys to arrive. Until that moment I hadn't realized how much I had missed them. Finally I saw the three of them get escorted through the locked door that kept us from escaping. They all smiled at me and ran up. They took turns hugging me and looking at me.

"You're swelling from surgery has finally gone away." James noticed.

"Yeah, after six days the bruises have barely faded." I said. My face still didn't look like mine. The bruise on my right eye was fading and was almost the sickening green color and my left eye was still purple and swollen. I could at least see fully out of it again.

We waited to go to the cafeteria. When we got there we all got lunch and sat down at a table to ourselves. "So how do you like it here?" Dak asked.

"I don't. I wish I was home and had never agreed to come here." I said stubbornly.

James frowned at me. "Listen, you being here is whats best for you right now. You need to learn how to cope with everything that has happened."

Carlos chimed in. "You suck at coping. You don't know how to express yourself to others when you need to. The only reason we have ever known your problems is because we pry them out of you."

"I wish everyone would stop telling me, what they think is best for my life." I muttered while looking down.

"Logan, don't be like that." Dak said defensively. "We only care about you, we want to see you get better. We want our Logan back. So do you like your doctor?"

"She's okay. I don't like much of the staff. I feel like they are looking down at me. The only one I like is Ben. He seems to actually care what people in here are feeling and going through." I said. The first night I had been here Ben pulled me aside to make sure that I was doing okay. He did it with everyone and that was why the people here had such a deep respect for him.

We sat there talking for a half hour before I finally realized something. "Kendall got out today, didn't he?" I asked. It had been day five of his hospital treatment for anger management.

James looked down, I could tell that he didn't want to answer. "Logan, why don't you focus on you and forget Kendall." He said softly.

"I just wanted to know." I said before I got quiet again.

Carlos had a look of defeat, I knew that he wanted to tell me. "He is staying in longer. They said he could go but he said he wanted to stay to try and get a better handle on how to control himself when he gets mad. Mama Knight was saying that alone was improvement."

I know that I got a smile on my face. Kendall was really trying to change. He did want to be with me. "Logan, you can't just forgive him for what he did to you." James said desperately. "There is no forgiving what he did."

I stared at James before I chose to speak. "You don't know anything James." He looked shocked that I would say that to him. He looked at me, opened his mouth and then closed it. I assumed it was because of the glare Dak was giving him.

"Once again, what James was TRYING to say is that you can't forgive him as easily as you want to. If Kendall really changes he will wait until you are satisfied and want to be with him. You have to make him work for your forgiveness. I love you Logan, but you forgive way too easily" Dak said.

"If I make him work for my forgiveness then I am no different than him." I said. "I'd be manipulating him."

Dak was confused at this. "How are you like him? Did you ever hit him? Lie to him? Cheat on him? You aren't like him, you have to make him work for it so he knows that he can't do it anymore. He has to work for it because he's already hurt you so much and you have to protect yourself." I didn't say anything. I just frowned and looked down.

Carlos must have sensed the tension because he started speaking again. "Oh it was funny, yesterday I decided to try and go down swirly from the outside."

James started to laugh and I did the same. I could only imagine how that had turned out. "It was hilarious, dude." James said still laughing. "He fell after the first part. It was a nice ten foot fall and he fell on his head."

Carlos hit his helmet. "Luckily, I was wearing this."

I clutched my side. Laughing was making my ribs ache but I couldn't help it. It was the first time I had laughed since I was in the hospital. "Oh Carlos. You're something else."

Their eyes lit up at seeing me laugh. "Visiting time is over in five minutes!" I heard Ben say. I sighed. I didn't want them to go now.

As if reading my mind Dak smiled and said. "Don't worry, we'll be back at six tonight to eat dinner with you."

I smiled. I walked with them back to the nurses station. James was telling me about this new girl he met down at the pool. "There is no way she could deny..._this!"_ He said while doing his famous jazz hands. I laughed.

"I will die laughing if she does." I said with a smirk. James looked at me surprised that I had actually zinged him. He smiled. "Well, I'll see you tonight." James wrapped an arm around me.

Carlos didn't say anything. He just hugged me and smiled. Dak was the last one he looked at me for a second. "We moved all your stuff into my apartment a few days ago, so when you get out its all ready for you." He said with a sweet smile. He pulled me into a tight bear hug.

Dinner was the same. The next four days I talked more in group, I told everyone what was going on and surprisingly two girls named Jamie and Sarah came up to tell me what their boyfriends had done. We all told each other the horrible things our exs had said and done to us. I opened up more to Dr. Alexander as well. I told her that Kendall was still in treatment too, but how I was afraid to give him another chance.

I spend lunch and dinner everyday with Dak, James and Carlos. Sometimes even Mrs. Knight. In four days, you couldn't even tell I had gone months without talking to them. It seemed like we had talked all through the months.

It was now Monday and I had a meeting with Dr. Alexander. I was talking to Sarah when she found me. I saw her and told Sarah I would be back. When we were in the small room she instantly started speaking.

"It seems like you have adjusted really well over the weekend."

I smiled. "I have my friends and Sarah and Jamie to thank for that."

"So you have been talking about what Kendall did to you?"

I nodded. "It helps me make sense of things. I have been writing in my notebook too." I said. I clutched the composition book close to my chest.

"Would you mind reading me something you've written in there?" She asked nicely.

I nodded and opened up to what I had written the night before. "I talked to Sarah and Jamie again tonight. Jamie told me that her boyfriend had dislocated her shoulder he had gotten so mad at her. Sarah said that hers had broken her nose over three times. They seem to understand what I'm going through. They understand how confused and broken I am because they are going through it too."

I paused for a second. I had written a lot about Kendall and was now regretting to choose this entry. "James told me today that Kendall is still in treatment. He's been there now for eleven days. Mrs. Knight said that he is staying there for another week before they force him out of the program. I'm glad that he is trying to change. It means that our relationship wasn't a total lie at least.

"But then I think and realize how much of a lie it really was. Did Kendall care about me? Probably. I think he may have even loved me in the beginning. But after he hit me the first time, I don't think he loved me after that. You aren't suppose to hurt the person you're with, let alone love. I never hurt him. I had never yelled at him and I never did anything wrong. I never flirted with other guys and never had interest in any.

"I guess that's why this situation is so confusing for me. I loved and still do love Kendall with everything inside me. For me this relationship wasn't a lie. He is all I have wanted for the last year. We dated for nine months. I hate the fact that I can no longer call him mine. I miss him more than anything in this world, but does that mean something is wrong with me? I mean how can I miss someone who did all these horrible things to me?

"Right now all I can think about is Kendall and the good times we had. We had a lot of good times, more good then bad now that I look back on it. I guess its fair to say I miss the good times, I miss the Kendall that I love, not the monster he has become. I hope he can become the Kendall I love again, because I don't know if my life would mean anything without him."

She was smiling at me. "There is nothing wrong with missing someone you love. And like you said in there you miss the Kendall he use to be, not the monster he became."

"I feel like my life has no meaning without him." I admitted. "But at the same time, I'm ready to try and live a life without him."

She couldn't stop smiling. "I've been seeing you for a week now and in a week you have made tremendous progress. I am so happy that you finally broke out of your shell. Now the self soothing tips you've learned do you think that is something you will use outside of here?"

"It was never a matter of self soothing. When I'm upset I take a shower to relax, listen to music or read. Sometimes all three, this was a matter of me bottling things up. But I have already been set up with a therapist and I plan on going to try and sort the rest of the things out." I said softly.

"Well, if you are comfortable with it, I see no reason why you can't be released tomorrow." She said with a smile.

"Really?" I asked, it came out more eager than I had intended. I was surprised. I didn't think I was going to be able to go home so soon. When we finished up I ran to the phone and dialed James' number.

-Hello?-

"Hey, I'm going home tomorrow. Will you pick me up?"

-Yeah, what time?-

"Ten."

-I'll be there.-

The next morning, I was given back my belongings that were taken from me when I had first arrived and I went out to wait for James. I saw him pull up in the Big Time Rush mobile with Carlos and Dak. I got in and enjoyed the breeze on my face as we made our way back to the Palm Woods.

**End Chapter**

**A/N: I guess this was more of a filler, I just wanted to try and capture Logan's confusion. Not sure I did a good job though.**

**Read and Review.**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: I'm so glad that everyone liked the last chapter. I was afraid it would seem more like a filler, but I'm glad everyone enjoyed it. Here is the next chapter.**

**Enjoy.**

**Chapter 8**

It was Monday, I had been out of Parkland for six days. Staying at Dak's was like having a little mini vacation. It was nice not having to worry about Kendall or pretending to be okay. I had cried in Dak's arms the last six days, but I knew that he didn't mind. Today was the day. Today Kendall would be released from his anger management courses and would be returning to the Palm Woods. I planned on staying in Dak's apartment.

My cell rang, I looked and it was Kelly. I groaned and answered. "Hello?"

-Logan, Gustavo wants you in the studio first thing tomorrow. Bright and early at six a.m. He is stressing because we have lost three weeks of recording and we need to work on the next single.-

"I'll be there." I hung up realizing that I would have to face Kendall tomorrow. I stood up and walked into the bathroom. I looked at my face. Most of the bruising had faded. My left eye was the only evidence of what had happened. It still was slightly green. I washed my face of with some cool water and walked back to the couch in the living room.

Dak was at the studio working on a new song that he was recording. But after my call with Kelly I just wished that he was home. I picked up the phone and texted him. _When are you gonna be back?_ I pushed send. I sighed, the thought of being around Kendall so soon was nerve racking. I didn't know how I would react. In two weeks I had realized and seen a lot of things.

My phone vibrated. _I'm heading there now, see you soon. _I sighed in relief. I needed to talk to Dak, he was the only one who could help me make sense of things. I waited anxiously for him to walk through the door. Finally after ten minutes the tall, dark haired man was entering the apartment. "What happened, Logan? Are you okay?"

"I am. Why?" I asked.

"I ended my session because I was worried, you never ask when I'm coming home."

I slapped my forehead. I couldn't believe I had been so stupid. "I'm fine, I just needed to talk to you." I felt guilty for making him worry. "I'm sorry I worried you."

He sat down. I could tell that he was still shaken. "Logan…with Kendall coming home…I just thought."

"I know and I'm sorry." I sat down next to him and placed my hand on his shoulder to comfort him.

"What's going on then?" He asked intently. He sat up and gave me his undivided attention.

"I have to be at the studio tomorrow at six. That means that I am going to have to see Kendall, and I'm not sure I can handle that quite yet to be honest. I haven't seen him since I was in the hospital. I just am afraid he will try and convince me to take him back."

"Why are you so afraid of him trying to do that?" He asked.

"I don't know if I have the strength to say no. Dak, I still love him so much. I want nothing more than to be with him."

He was silent for a second. "It was the same way for me. I would break up with Tony and then avoid him for a few weeks, but when he finally did talk to me, I couldn't turn him down."

I looked at him. He said he knew how I felt, but he had never elaborated on what happened with Tony. "Dak…" He glanced at me to let me know he was listening. "What happened with Tony?" I asked.

He got a sad look on his face and the put his face in his hands for a second before he started speaking. "I met Anthony for the first time three years ago. He went to my school with me. I was in the popular crowd, my family had money so I meshed well with them. He was a running back for the high school football team.

"I knew then that I liked guys, I knew because whenever he would talk to me I got butterflies. I could have sworn he was constantly flirting with me. Well, finally one day he asked me to go see a movie with him and I said yes. I remember being so excited. We went out and he was perfect, he complimented me and told me things that lifted me up and made me feel like I was raised onto a pedestal."

He paused for a second. I could tell he was fighting back tears. "We had been dating for seven months the first time he hit me. It was our seven month anniversary and we were suppose to go see a movie, but he had gotten into it with his old man and said he couldn't go. I was pretty upset about it, but my friend Jared offered to take me so I could still have fun and take my mind off of it.

"An hour before I was suppose to go to the movies with Jared, Tony showed up at my house to surprise me. He had lied about not being able to go so that he could surprise me with an even bigger date." He smiled a little bit. "I told him I had to cancel with Jared before we went anywhere. He got angry when I mentioned Jared. He told me that I spent to much time with him, even though he knew he was my best friend. He accused me of cheating on him and when I told him I wasn't he got angry and hit me."

His frown became even bigger. "He didn't hit me again for a few months though, but when he would get super angry he would. I let him get away with it because I thought we were going to be together forever. He told me he didn't want me to hang out with Jared. I told him that and I lost Jared as my friend, even now he still won't talk to me.

"Things started getting out of hand then. He was hitting me everyday. He was mad about something with football and he stormed off, I had tried to call Jared to patch things up with him while he was gone. When he came back though he looked through my phone while I was sleeping. He got angry...he slammed my shoulder into the wall. He tore a ligament in it. I had to have three surgeries."

He pulled up his sleeve to reveal several nasty incision scars. "After that I tried to break up with him. He used to beat me until I agreed to stay with him." I remembered when Kendall did that. After a while, I couldn't take the pain and would give in.

"He hit me over thirty times when I finally did break up with him. He hit me and I stood back up and told him I wanted to leave him. After thirty hits he looked at me and told me he didn't care because I didn't mean shit to him anyways. He had only dated me as a bet and when he saw how easily I could be controlled he turned it into a game." He took a deep breath. "He tried to apologize, I accepted it and even took him back. Then I loved to L.A. When I moved here, I broke up with him and being away from him was hard in the beginning but being away was what I needed."

"Do you still think about him?" I asked.

"Yes. I think about how I loved him so dearly. But the perfect antidote for that is to think of all the pain I endured while I was with him." He said sweetly.

"So you are saying I shouldn't go back to Kendall?" I asked.

He was quiet. I had caught him off guard that much I could tell. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I'm not saying that at all. This was my love story. You need to decide how yours ends. If Kendall has changed then you can have him, but if he hasn't you need to stay away Logan."

I looked down. He had given me a lot of information. "I use to justify what he did to myself. I would tell myself I needed to be a better boyfriend. That if I could just keep him happy that none of this would happen." I said sadly.

"I did too, but eventually you have to stop making excuses and face what they did."

I nodded. When Dak told me he knew what I was going through, he really did. He had been through hell just like me. "If Tony had changed would you have stayed with him?"

"I don't know. I want to say no because of everything he did to me. But if he changed he would have been the Tony I loved very much and I may have."

I could tell that I was prying. I was willing to talk about Kendall, but I could tell that talking about Tony made Dak very uncomfortable. "So what do you wanna do for dinner?" I asked trying to change the subject.

"Hmmm, well I made dinner last night, how about some chinese. I know how much you love it!" He answered with a smile.

I grinned. "Yeah, do you mind if we have Carlos and James over? I wouldn't mind seeing them."

"Of course, what do they like?" He asked.

"Hmmm, James likes spring rolls and chow mein. Carlos loves pot stickers and orange chicken."

"I'll make sure I order those then."

Thirty minutes later Carlos and James we're in Dak's living room with us. "So wait, she completely shot you down?" I asked while laughing.

James nodded. He had been obsessing over the girl he met at the pool a few weeks ago only to find out that she didn't like him. "It's okay, she just couldn't handle this." He said while doing his famous jazz hands.

I laughed. A memory from Minnesota popping into my head. Everyone was looking at me. "Remember when the girls field hockey team beat us down?"

Carlos and James joined in on my laughter. Dak was giving us confused looks. "What happened."

"The janitor left the T handle in the sprinkler system so we soaked the girls field hockey team." Carlos said.

"Nice." Dak said.

"They chased us, and then proceeded to beat us to a pulp." James said.

"And I even told them that we would end up hurt because of it." I said.

"HAHA we had to give James my hockey helmet to protect _the face_." Carlos laughed. "Oh man and then when we all auditioned!"

Dak was giving us another weird look. I decided I would explain. "We all tried out to be the next pop star and Ken-" I stopped.

"What happened?" Dak asked.

James stepped in. "Kendall started yelling at Gustavo because he said I had no talent. So Kendall kicked cups at him and sang the Giant Turd song at him. Then security guards were grabbing him."

I had finally gotten myself back together. "Then Carlos decided to try and break him free after I told him since he was a juvenile and only had a prior for mooning he'd only get twenty hours community service tops," I laughed at the memory.

"Mooning?" Dak asked.

Carlos smiled. "Thats a different story for a different day." He said, his smile only getting bigger.

James continued the story. "At that point I put the mic down and jumped on a security guard." James said smuggly.

"And then that was the part where I told Ms. Majacowski I needed new friends and tried to help them." I said. I smiled remembering that day. Kendall was the guy I loved back then. Sure we hadn't been dating but I was still pretty much in love with him. I hesitated asking. "How is Kendall?" I blurted it out before I could stop myself.

I saw all them look at each other. Then James and Carlos silently argued over who was going to tell me what was going on. James finally stepped up and did it. "He is different. He went straight up to his room and wouldn't come out. Mama Knight said he didn't even talk to her on the way home."

"That's not like Kendall at all." I said softly. "I hope he's okay." I said aloud. However, the glares I got made me wish I didn't though.

It was half past five when Dak and I walked out of the apartment he had decided to go in and work so that I didn't have to ride with the others. He knew that I wasn't looking forward to seeing Kendall. The fifteen minute ride to the studio seemed like it only took a few seconds. I walked out and walked into Rocque Records.

He turned to me and smiled. "Listen, I will be just a few studios away, don't hesitate to come talk to me if you need to."

I nodded and sat down waiting for the others to arrive. A few minutes after Dak left they were walking in. I looked at Kendall. He was wearing sweat pants and a white tee shirt. I couldn't help but stare. Kendall had always been cuter when he wasn't dressed up. He looked like he had rolled out of bed two minutes before he came here.

Gustavo was walking out of his office. "Dogs, get in the booth."

We all walked in. I stood next to James. We were working on a new song about heartbreak. _Well, I'm pretty sure I can nail this song._

We had been rehearsing our vocals for well over two hours before we had earned our first break. We all walked into the break room. I walked over and got some hot water and put a tea packet in it. Neither of us four had said a word to each other.

I grabbed my tea and then walked into the hallway. When I sat against the wall, I saw Kendall come out. He stood in front of me for a few seconds. I met his gaze and he had a pained expression on his face.

"Can we talk for a few minutes?" he asked softly. I didn't say anything. I just nodded. "Listen, I learned a lot while I was in treatment. I'm not saying I have changed because I haven't changed as much as I need to. I didn't talk to anyone last night because I had a lot to think over and I decided that I'm going to give you your space."

I looked at him with a surprised look on my face. "What made you decide that?" I asked.

"I learned that its not up to me to decide when we get back together. All I can do is show you that I have changed and hope that you will take me back. I will give you as much space as you want and when you are ready to see I've changed I will show you that I have. I will show you that I will treat you right."

I was quiet for a moment. "I don't know how long that will be Kendall. You hurt me so much, I need to forgive what you did before I can even think about being in a relationship with you again." I was finding it extremely hard to get the words out.

"I know. Just know that I am sorry and even if you don't take me back, I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you." I knew that the thought of us breaking up for good was tearing him apart. But I told myself that it was his own fault.

"I want to be with you Kendall, I just don't want to be hurt anymore. I won't be with you if you are going to hurt me."

"I know, Logie." He said softly. "I just have to work on a few things too. I need to learn how to control my emotions and until I do, I won't even reach out to you. When I feel that I have them under control, though I will let you know. Does that sound okay to you?"

"Yes. But until you show me you have changed I'm staying with Dak." I said stearnly.

"I know that I have no right to ask this of you, but please don't date him. Not until I get another chance." He was pleading with me. "He likes you, I have known that all along."

I sighed. "You were correct. You don't have the right to ask that of me."

He nodded and I saw tears welling in his eyes. With that he stood up and walked away. I watched sadly, as he walked away from me. I stood up and went and found Kelly. "I can't be here anymore. I have to leave." She nodded and told me she would deal with Gustavo.

I walked to where Dak was recording and knocked on the door. When I walked in he understood and walked with me to the limo that was waiting to take us back to the Palm Woods.

When we got in the limo I broke down and started crying. "That bad, huh?"

"It wasn't though. He told me that he was going to give me space and when he felt he had his emotions under control he would let me know so that maybe we could try again." I was still sobbing. "Watching him walk away was so hard though."

"I know." He pulled me into a hug and rubbed my back. "It does get easier though. I promise."

I pulled away from him, Dak was giving me his famous smile. His smile was letting me know that he was going to be here for me. That he cared.

Next, as if some unknown force had pulled me towards him, my lips were against his and I was kissing him.

**End Chapter**

**A/N: Ah, a cliffhanger. I will update soon, until then...**

**Read and Review!**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Hope you all enjoy the chapter.**

**Chapter 9**

My lips were still pressed against Dak's. I slid my tongue against his bottom lip asking for entrance, but I was surprised when he pulled away from me, his eyes wider then I had ever seen them. I felt the rejection rush over me and I knew that the waterworks were about to start again. "Dak..."

He looked away. "Logan, can we talk about this when we get back to the apartment? I need to think before I say anything."

I nodded sadly. _What does he have to think about? How to let me down easy? Because clearly he doesn't want to be with me like that. He pulled away from me. That rejection was enough for me to get the big picture._

The ride back seemed to go on for hours. I was racking my brain for what to say to him. I didn't know what that kiss meant. It just seemed like it was the right thing to do. It felt like it was perfect. The silence was extremely awkward and I didn't know if I could take it anymore. I sighed. We were finally pulling up to the Palm Woods.

I saw Jo sitting in a chair and I glared at her. She met my gaze and stood to walk up to me. "Logan..." She stopped and had a pleading look in her eyes. "I didn't mean for what I did to cause you all the pain it did. I was jealous and I wanted Kendall back. I didn't know that he would take it too far. I'm so sorry."

I glared at her. She had been the reason Kendall had beat me so bad. That picture she sent him had caused me so much pain. "Jo, you try and come off as a nice and sweet girl. But in all actuality you're not. You're a conniving, mean, bitch." She seemed taken aback that I would be so mean. "You knew what you were doing. You had seen his temper, were you hoping he did that to me?"

She had tears in her eyes. "No! I swear." She was desperate at this point.

Dak finally stepped in. "Logan, that's enough." He pulled me to the elevator, but at that point I looked back and saw Jo silently crying to herself. I felt horrible. I didn't have to be so mean to her, it wasn't her fault that Kendall was so unstable. "What was that?"

"Kendall had told me before that he lost control in front of her, she knew what he was capable of, yet she still sent that picture to him." I said softly. "She knew what she was doing and now she just wants to clear her conscious."

"Be that, as it may, you still shouldn't have been so harsh." Dak said softly.

I felt myself slowly losing it. I had lost Kendall, I had been hurt and now I had been rejected by the only guy who seemed to make me forget about Kendall. When we walked into the apartment, I walked in slowly.

"I'm sorry, I kissed you. Had I known you didn't want it, I wouldn't have done it." I said, my tone was a lot sadder then I had meant it to be.

Dak's face got a panicked look on it. "NO! Don't apologize, I wanted to kiss you back Logan. Believe me I did. But you had been crying over Kendall not even a minute before you kissed me. You are hurting and you still love Kendall."

I looked down. "I know. I shouldn't have done it."

"I just don't want to get wrapped up in you right now. If Kendall has changed I couldn't take you leaving me for him. It would destroy me Logan." Dak said, staring at me like I was the most interesting thing in this world.

"So you are afraid I will hurt you?" I asked.

He nodded slowly. "But its not only that. Logan you had no interest in me before, I know you didn't. I just am afraid you are mistaking feelings of gratitude for love and that will only make your suffering worse."

I knew that he was right, I wasn't sure if I had feelings for him. I just knew that he had been there for me. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have kissed you. You are right, I think I am mistaking gratitude for feelings."

Dak got a pained look on his face. "Let's just give it time. Let's see what happens with Kendall. Then why don't you make a decision."

I nodded. I was thankful to have him as my friend. I knew that he would always be there for me, no matter what. I avoided him the rest of the week. I couldn't face him. I was sitting across from my therapist right now. It was a woman in her thirties, her name was Emily.

"So have you seen Kendall since he's been out?" She asked.

"Yeah, but only once. It was at the studio I didn't say much to him though." I said.

"Did you two talk?" I thought back to when Kendall had talked to me.

I nodded. "He told me that he was going to give me space to get over what he had done to me."

"Well that isn't easy to do. How is the progress coming?"

"I don't know. I love Kendall, and I feel like I am coming to terms with what he did to me. I think that is a step. I want to forgive him and I honestly feel like I could if he changes."

"Lets talk about Dak."

"I kissed him. I regret it because he likes me and I don't think I return the feelings. I love Kendall too much. I think I kissed him because of how much he has been here for me."

"I think that is true. You need to figure things out with Kendall before you can move forward with Kendall or anyone else for that matter."

My session ended shortly after that. I walked out and back to the apartment.

I was now sitting across from him at the dinner table. "Look, Logan. You don't have to avoid me, that kiss wasn't that big of a deal and I don't want it to ruin our friendship."

"I know, I was and still am embarrassed. I just feel like an idiot." I said softly.

"Well, don't. What do you say we go and see a movie tonight? The Mechanic just came out." He asked enthusiastically.

I gave a grin. "Jason Statham? Who can say no to going and seeing that sexy creature." I said.

He laughed at me. Dak ran upstairs and grabbed a hat and a pair of sunglasses. If we went anywhere he had to have those on. I laughed because the hat had a blonde wig underneath it to disguise his dark hair. "What are you laughing at?" He asked with his eyes narrowing.

"Nothing, nothing at all, blonde." I said with a smirk.

"HAHAHA" he fake laughed and then got a serious look on his. "Go fuck yourself."

I forced a hurt look on my face. "Ouch, Dak that hurt me…that hurt me right here." I said while pointing to my heart.

He smiled. "Ah, I'm sure it did."

I laughed at him. I felt like I was my old self again. Being away from Kendall was definitely helping me. Gustavo had decided that we wouldn't be going back to the studio until next week, but he warned that we would be working twelve hours a day to catch up.

We were in his Beemer and we were driving to the movie theatre. When we got there I bought the tickets and we walked into the theatre. "Want some popcorn and sodies?" He asked.

I frowned. Kendall called them sodies too. "Yeah, I'll take some. And some chocolate covered raisins?" I asked hoping he would say yes. He nodded and we walked to the concession.

We ordered our snacks and made our way to the theatre. I saw him, I saw Kendall standing outside the movie theatre laughing with James and Carlos at something Carlos had just said.

I stopped dead in my tracks. "We can go see another movie." Dak suggested. Kendall looked up and met my gaze.

"No, he's already seen me. Besides I got my hopes up at seeing Jason Statham shirtless." Dak chuckled at me. "I'm gonna see that sexy british man, dammit!"

I laughed with Dak and tried to ignore Kendall and the others. James and Carlos were walking up to us. "You guys seeing the Mechanic too?" James asked.

"Yeah, who can say no to seeing Jason Statham." I said. Earning another smile from Dak.

Carlos laughed. "That was exactly what Kendall was just saying."

I glanced past them to look at Kendall. He was looking at me but when he saw me look up he suddenly looked down at his shoes. "He looks good, like he is back to his normal self." I said.

James was quiet. "I haven't seen this Kendall in months. He is finally back to being our fearless leader."

I looked at them. I knew that for James to say that it must have been true. James could read people. Sure he may not have been the brightest but he was a good judge of character. Well most of the time. I smiled thinking of when a fan had locked him in a cage full of dog bones.

"It's nice, we've been playing dome hockey but its just not the same with three of us." Carlos said sadly.

"Maybe, I'll come play with you guys tomorrow. It might be easier in the studio if I get use to being around Kendall again." I said softly. "Would you mind sitting together?" I asked James.

"No, we can put you and Kendall on opposite sides if that makes you more comfortable." James suggested.

"Okay, but I sit by Dak and Carlos." I said. Dak was looking at me funny. "Carlos makes any movie funny with his comments." I explained.

We all watched the movie and I laughed at all the comments Carlos was making. "Man, even I would go gay for Jason Statham." He whispered very loudly. He earned several dirty looks from people sitting around us. I couldn't help it, I had to laugh, I held my mouth to keep my laughs surpressed.

It was at the end, and it was revealed that Jason Statham's character hadn't died. The movie was over and everyone in the theatre heard Carlos yell. "That wasn't surprising. You can't kill Jason, he's a bad ass!"

That comment earned a few cheers. I laughed as we all walked out of the theatre. When we got to the outside I hugged Carlos and James. "Well, if you guys are down, I'll be over tomorrow around noon to play some dome hockey?" I asked while looking at Kendall.

He smiled back at me and nodded. "See you then, Logie." He said softly, I knew that I was the only one who had heard it.

Dak and I were back in the car. "Are you sure you are ready to be around him?" Dak asked.

"I was around him tonight, wasn't I?"

"Yeah, but not really around him." He reasoned.

"I'm ready." I told him. I pulled out my phone and found the contact I was looking for. _Are you sure you don't mind if I hang out with you guys tomorrow?_ I sent this to Kendall.

I tapped my fingers on the door waiting for an answer. I got it almost immediately. _I don't mind. I miss seeing you. Things aren't the same with the gang unless you're there. This is the first time they had as much fun as they use to._

I smiled at my phone. I could feel Dak's eyes on me. _I don't think that was because of me, I'd give the credit to Carlos for all his hilarious comments._

"Are you texting Kendall?" I heard Dak ask.

"What? No, of course not, why would I-" But I stopped once I saw the look he was giving me. "I'm just making sure that he will be okay if I go see them tomorrow."

"You shouldn't worry about that. He is the one who screwed up, he should be the one texting you seeing if you are okay with it." He seemed to be disappointed that I was talking to Kendall.

My phone buzzed again. _Yeah, did you see the looks from the people in front of us, when he made the gay joke? But I will see you tomorrow at noon. Have a goodnight Logie Bear._

I frowned. I didn't want the texting to stop. I had tried to ignore it, but I couldn't anymore. I missed Kendall. I missed him holding me and I missed him kissing me. I wasn't ready to forgive him yet, but I did feel that maybe soon I would be ready to move back in with him and the others. I typed back, _You too Boo Boo._

I laughed when I wrote that. He called me Logie Bear and I called him Boo Boo, it was mainly because Yogi Bear was our favorite cartoon growing up.

When we got back to the apartment, I decided to talk to Dak about what was going on inside my head. "Dak, depending on how tomorrow goes and when we are back in the studio, I think I might be ready to move back with the guys. I would ask if James or Carlos would mind switching rooms, but I think I'm in a much better state of mind."

"Logan, I think you are moving too quickly. You need to pace yourself. You need to make sure that you are really ready." He said. I saw a pained look on his face.

I frowned. "I'm not, I think that I will be ready soon, but I can't be sure. I'm not rushing it or even trying to."

He just said okay and then went up to bed. The next day it was almost noon so I walked up to apartment 2J. I hadn't talked to Dak, by the time I woke up he was already up and had left for the studio. I knocked on the door anxiously.

Kendall opened the door with a smile. "Hey Logie." He motioned for me to come in. I walked into the familiar apartment and walked to the orange couch and sat down. "James and Carlos will be down in a second. James hogged the bathroom all morning and Carlos just got out of the shower and James said something about having to comb his hair for another five minutes for it to be perfect?"

I laughed. Of course James had to comb his hair. "So did you enjoy the movie last night?" I asked trying to make conversation.

"Yeah, it was good. And hearing Carlos make his comments all through it just made it that much better." He said with a laugh.

"I'm surprised we didn't get asked to leave. We were loud the entire time." I said.

I heard another laugh. "Yeah and then I'm sure mine and James' popcorn fight didn't help things too much."

Whenever we had left the back row of the theatre was completely trashed. I couldn't help but feel sorry for whoever had to clean up our mess. I looked at Kendall for a few moments. He seemed like he was on edge and he wasn't looking at me.

"How are you with everything?" I finally asked.

"I think that I have changed, I realize now that what I did to you wasn't right. I was so scared that you would hurt me. I felt like I wasn't good enough for you and that you were cheating on me. Even though I know you would never do that. I think that's why I did what I did. But I still know that isn't an excuse."

"It's not. You didn't have the right to decide if you were good enough for me. That has and always will be my decision. And if you can change and show me that you have changed then you are good enough for me." I said.

He was hesitant. "I want you in my life in the meantime. Even if its just as my friend for now."

I smiled at him. I knew that I needed Kendall too. "I think we can do that. I was thinking about moving back here soon. BUT, I want to room with James or Carlos. I don't think we should room together."

He looked sad but then I could see that he understood. "Okay. I understand completely."

We all spent the day playing dome hockey and then we were at the pool. I enjoyed for the first time in months being able to go in the water with them. I was no longer covered in bruises. We took turns dunking each other, but I noticed that Kendall never tried to dunk me.

When we got out we walked to the apartment again and sat down and enjoyed some chicken dinosaurs that Mrs. Knight had made us. I watched as Carlos and James made their dinosaurs attack each other. "Oh no! Its the James-asaurus rex." James screamed and then devoured the two chicken dinos in his hand.

I laughed at them. "You guys are too much." Kendall laughed, "Isn't that right, Logie?"

I nodded in agreement. Kendall smiled at me and I couldn't help but smile back. _No, I can't fall back into this again, this quickly!_

**End Chapter**

**A/N: I hope you guys enjoyed it, granted there isn't as much drama but I hope you are still enjoying it!**

**Read and Review**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N:I felt I would update a little sooner then I was planning. **

** Well I am gonna skip forward and have flashbacks. I didn't want to keep dragging on and on so thought maybe flashbacks would be best. Enjoy.**

**Chapter 10**

I was concentrating on my dancing and singing. We were doing a live concert in three weeks and Gustavo wanted us to be ready. We had already rehearsed Famous, Halfway There, and Til I forget About You. It had been two weeks since I hung out with the guys and things were getting better between Kendall and I. We could be alone and there was no nervous feelings for either of us. I was a little upset though because everyone at the Palm Woods knew about Kendall and I and I had no clue how they had found out.

Even though I was trying to concentrate on the moves I was suppose to be doing, I couldn't help but think about Dak when I had told him how much I still wanted Kendall.

_It had been right when he had gotten home that day I hung out with the guys. "Hey Logan, how did hanging out with the guys go?" He asked as soon as he walked in the door and saw me on the couch._

"_It was alright, Kendall and I talked and I told him that I might move back in as long as I could room with Carlos or James and he understood. He told me he wants me in his life no matter what." I couldn't help but smile at the thought._

_He got an annoyed look on his face. "So you are going to go back to him eventually?" Dak asked softly._

"_I think so, I think that Kendall is the person I was meant to be with and when I see that he has changed I can be with him and be happy again."_

I sighed, things with Dak had been awkward since that conversation, and I couldn't help but let it bug me. I knew that he didn't want to see me hurt again, but at the same time he was making me feel guilty for wanting Kendall back.

We finally got a break after two hours of singing and dancing. I sat down on the couch in the break room and sipped on some tea. I looked at Kendall who was drinking coffee. I could tell that he was tired, he had bags under his eyes and seemed to lack the energy he normally had. He was quiet today too.

I sighed. Things with Kendall were better but they were much more confusing and awkward after the night before.

_We were all watching the Boondock Saints. It was at the part where they realized the guy trying to kill them was their father. I was sitting in between Kendall and Carlos._

"_It still amazes me that he was trying to kill his sons, then he hears this prayer and he's done?" Carlos said aloud._

_I shushed him, this was the best part in the movie. Even though I had seen this movie countless times I was still on the edge of my seat. I didn't notice that Kendall was staring at me. Finally when the movie was over James and Carlos went up to their rooms. It was Kendall and me left in the living room._

"_So, did you have fun tonight, Logie?" He asked with a sweet voice._

_I smiled. "I did, I love having the gang back together its so nice having everyone back." I said. "Well, I should get back to Dak's. I'm sure he will be up waiting to find out how things went."_

_Kendall frowned. I knew that he was still worried that Dak and I had something going on. "Are you two together?" He asked nervously._

"_No, we aren't. We're just friends." I said with a smile on my face._

"_So you two haven't kissed or anything like that?" I knew that he was dreading the answer and I didn't know if he could handle knowing the truth. I sighed and knew that I had to be honest with him though, if I was serious about wanting us to work I had to be honest. I also knew though that this would be his real first test._

"_Well…"I said softly._

_The color drained from his face and his face was in his hands. "No! No, no, no!" He said with a hurt tone._

"_Kendall, look at me." He did. I didn't see anger in his eyes. I had half expected to but instead I saw hurt and pain. "It didn't mean anything. It was after that time I had seen you in the studio after everything had happened. He was comforting me as I was crying and I just kissed him. It felt right at the time."_

"_YOU kissed HIM?" He asked. He looked away from me and then stood up and paced back in forth. I felt a knot in my stomach._

"_Yes, but I realized right after that it was a mistake. I don't feel that way for him. I never have and I never could. I could never love someone like I love you, Kendall."_

"_Has anything happened since then?" He asked slowly._

"_No, nothing. Like I said I don't feel that way for him. Besides my heart still belongs to someone."_

_He smiled at that. "Mine too."_

_I smiled one more time and he walked me to the door. When I walked out I turned around and hugged him, it was the first time we had any kind of intimate contact at all since he had been released. I pulled away and went to walk away._

_I felt him grab my wrist and pull me back and his lips were against mine. I pulled away. "Kendall, its too soon." I said and then ran to the elevator._

_When I was back in Dak's apartment my chest was heaving and my mind was everywhere._

I was looking at my cup of coffee and I could feel Kendall's eyes on me. I looked up at him and smiled. James and Carlos were in the room with us. "I'm sorry about last night." Kendall said softly. "I just couldn't help it, I just needed to feel that for a second."

"It's okay, just please don't do it again. When I'm ready trust me when I say you will know."

James and Carlos were giving us odd looks. "Did something happen when we went to bed last night?" Carlos asked.

I shrugged and decided to ignore the question that was just asked. "So, I was thinking and I'm thinking that I'm ready to move back in with you guys. I feel like Kendall and I are at a place where I would feel safe staying in the apartment again."

Kendall got a huge grin on his face. "Great, we already talked about this and you will be rooming with James and I am stuck with that big ball of love over there." I looked at Carlos and he had a huge grin on his face.

"Well, how about if I come back tomorrow? This way Carlos can move his stuff into his new room tonight?" I suggested they all nodded. We finally wrapped up the rehearsals and we were on our way back to the Palm Woods.

I couldn't seem to take my eyes off of Kendall. When we were walking out of the limo Kendall grabbed my arm. "Can I talk to you real quick?" I nodded. "I want to tell you something before you move back in."

I looked at him. I was expecting him to tell me that he had sex with Jo or someone else for that matter. I guess that's why I was so shocked when he said something I didn't expect him to. "I was so mad last night that I wanted to lash out and yell at you for kissing Dak."

I looked at him with a surprised look on my face. "Kendall, why are you telling me this?"

"I just want you to know what was going on in my head. The thoughts are still there, me wanting to yell or hit you, they are still there. I think they will be for awhile. But after last night I really feel like I can control them and I can control myself."

I smiled despite the nervous feelings I had. I wasn't sure if it was a good or bad thing that he had told me this. I looked at him for a few seconds. "I'm glad that you can control yourself. And I think it may be a good thing that you told me. Maybe its good that you do, it lets me really see that you are changing."

"I was really nervous to tell you. I didn't know if it was a good idea or not." He said. He smiled at me again. It was a cheesy smile but it still caused my knees to go weak and it made my heart melt. I grinned back. I wrapped my arms around him again. "I'll text you in a little, Logie. Okay?"

I nodded and then walked up to the apartment. Dak was sitting on the couch. Things had been really weird since I told him I would eventually be going back to Kendall. "How was the studio?" He asked.

"Awkward." I said, simply. He raised an eyebrow which let me know that he wanted to know what had happened. "Last night when I was leaving the apartment, I hugged Kendall and then he kissed me. But I pushed him away and then ran. I wasn't ready for him to kiss me."

"How did he react to you leaving?"

"He reacted alright. But it was the way he reacted when I told him we kissed that surprised me."

He frowned. "How did he react?"

"He was okay with it surprisingly. He didn't seem angry at all when I told him, he seemed more hurt than anything to be honest. But today he told me that he wanted to yell at me and even hit me. But he controlled himself. He fought the urge and didn't. That's good isn't it?"

Dak looked away from me. "He shouldn't even have those thoughts." He said.

"I can't expect them to just disappear I just need him to repress his anger and he is." I sighed knowing that he wasn't going to like the next thing I was going to tell him. "I'm moving back in tomorrow."

His eyes shot up to me and I felt like they were daggers. His eyes were piercing me and I didn't like it. "You're just going to move back? Ignore everything that he did to you? Just act like nothing happened?" He was frantic and he was raising his voice more and more with each word.

"I never said that I was going to act like nothing happened. I can't hold that against him forever." I said softly. I knew that he was angry at me, he didn't want me to move back in with Kendall.

"He hurt you, he almost killed you. How could you still love him? What is wrong with you Logan? Do you like being hurt?" His words finally hit me and I felt the tears well into my eyes. He must have realized what he said. "Logan..."

I didn't give him time to finish. I walked out of the apartment and went into the stairwell and sat there for a few minutes crying. Dak thought something was wrong with me, he thought that I was an idiot. I sighed. I felt my phone vibrate. _Logan, I didn't mean it._

I typed back. _There must have been some truth to it. Look just leave me alone. I will be back tomorrow to get my things. Goodbye._

I knew that Dak would never be able to accept the fact that I was with Kendall. He didn't like Kendall and had his own feelings for me. I sighed because I hated the fact that I had to lose Dak, but Dak had proved with all the awkwardness and what he said that he couldn't handle seeing me with Kendall.

I was finally knocking on the door of 2J. James answered the door. "Logan?" I knew that my eyes were still red and puffy from crying. I walked in and sat on the couch. "What happened?" He asked. I saw Kendall walking down the stairs. I put my face in my hands and started crying.

Kendall was instantly next to me, hugging me and rubbing my back in small circles trying to calm me down. I finally broke down and wrapped my arms around his neck and buried my face in his chest. "Logie, what's wrong?" He asked with a smooth voice.

I took a deep breath. "Dak…he got mad at me when I told him that I was going to be moving back in. He told me that I must like being hurt and that something was wrong with me." It took me almost ten minutes to get all of it out. All I could think about was how much Dak had helped me and now he was the one who hurt me.

Kendall let go of me. He couldn't control his anger this time, he snapped. "How dare he! I'm gonna go have a talk with him" He quickly walked out of the apartment and I ran after him. By the time I caught up with him he was already at Dak's door banging on it as loud as he could. Dak answered the door. "Dude, whats your problem? You should be happy that Logan gets a second chance with the person he loves, not making him feel like shit about it."

"I would be happy if that person hadn't almost killed him." Dak snarled back.

I stepped in between the two before they had a chance to say anything else to each other. "STOP!" I yelled. "Stop, seriously. Both of you. Kendall, I already handled this. I didn't need you to. And Dak its my business if I want to take Kendall back, I can. I didn't want it to effect our friendship but evidently its going to."

Kendall stepped back to the wall and put his head against it. I looked at Dak and he seemed like he was angry. "All I've ever tried to do is help you Logan. I just don't want to see you hurt again."

"If I thought that Kendall was going to hurt me again I wouldn't even consider going back to him." I said. "I love Kendall. I need you to trust my judgement and respect it."

He looked down. "You're right. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled at you and said what I did." It was the first time he had to apologize to me.

"I know that you didn't mean it. I just think I was shocked that you would try and hurt me like that. But I do forgive you. I want us to stay friends, but in order for that to happen you need to accept the fact that I want to be with Kendall more than anything in this world." I said, looking him straight in the eyes.

He nodded. "I'm sorry Kendall. I shouldn't have brought up what happened." Dak said.

I knew that Kendall wouldn't forgive as easily as I had. "I made a mistake Dak, and its one I will never make again. I don't want to take Logan's friends away from him but if you disrespect our relationship when or even if we get back together, I will not be okay with him being friends with you."

I knew that Dak wanted to say a snide comment, I could see it in his face. Instead though, he just nodded and closed the door. Kendall and I stood there looking at each other for a while. "Kendall, what about Jo?" I asked. If he wanted me to consider not being friends with Dak if he did something I needed to know that he would do the same for me.

He smiled. "I thought about that while I was at the hospital. I was forced to confront a lot of things Logie, and I made the decision that I wouldn't talk to her anymore or even associate with her for that matter. Dak never tried to break us up, but she did. That is what that picture message was."

"Does she know this?" I asked.

He nodded. "I talked to her last week when she approached me. She asked me if I was okay and told me that you didn't deserve me."

For once, I felt my anger flare. "What?" I yelled.

He smiled at my jealous reaction. "I told her that it was the other way around, I didn't deserve you but that wasn't going to stop me from trying to get you back."

"What did she say?" I asked nervously.

He frowned. "She didn't say anything, instead she sent a mass text to everyone at the Palm Woods telling them about us." So that was how everyone knew about me and Kendall being with each other. "She also proceeded to tell them that I hit you and I hit her when I was with her, which is a lie. I never hit her."

That bugged me. He told me that he loved me more than he ever did her. If that was the case why was I the one who was hit all the time. "Kendall..." I said softly. "Then how could you hit me if you loved me more?"

We were walking back into 2J at this point. "It's because she never drove me crazy like you did. The thought of her leaving me or cheating on me never bothered me. I didn't care. But when I thought about you leaving me it drove me insane. I thought that you had to be cheating on me because of my anger. And then when I hit you for the first time, it only got worse and worse."

"So, it was me?" I asked softly. I had been right all along, it was my own fault that Kendall had been hitting me.

His eyes widened and he got a pained and panicked look on his face. "NO! Don't ever blame yourself. I was and still am a little fucked up in the head. But it was never your fault, never ever blame yourself. I'm the one you should blame. You should hate me, Logie. I fucked up really bad." He was near tears. His voice was frantic when he spoke, and finally he fell to his knees and he just let the tears fall.

I pulled him into a hug and let him cry on my shoulder. "Kendall, you are changing. You will never have to be that person again. You fucked up but everyone makes mistakes. I love you so much, and I could never hate you. Well as long as you don't go back to the way you were I could never hate you."

He pulled away from me and I wiped his tears away with my thumbs. "I love you so much Logan. And I promise I will change. I will be the perfect boyfriend."

He clung to me again and continued to cry. I held him and rubbed his back and let him cry. One thing was for sure, this was a different Kendall. He was broken, just like me.

**End Chapter**

**A/N: So I really, really like this chapter I think its my favorite chapter thus far. I wanted to show that it isn't only Logan who is suffering because of what Kendall did. But I will say that the Kendall verses Dak thing ISN'T over. Read the next chapter to see what happens, until then.**

**Also I am thinking about working on two stories, let me know what you think of the summaries**

**1. Kendall and Jett both mask their feeling for each other behind hatred, but what happens when they are in a compromising situation. It will be a two shot.**

**2. After Gustavo is accused of being sexist, he is forced to hire a female guitarist for the guys to work with. But what kind of trouble will she stir up?**

**Let me know about this chapter and my story ideas, I will really appreciate it.**

**Read and Review!**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: I hope everyone is still enjoying this story! I think this is my favorite story I have written thus far. **

**AND I REALIZED JUST NOW I WORK LITERALLY ALL DAY TOMORROW SO I AM POSTING ANOTHER CHAPTER. 3 IN TWO DAYS!**

**Chapter 11**

A month had passed. I was staying with the band again and I was constantly hanging with them by the pool or in the apartment. I hadn't spoken to Dak since the big blow out at his apartment and I was sure at that point he was trying to avoid me.

I was currently sitting down watching a movie with Kendall. He and I had been spending more one on one time together. We were trying to build back up on friendship before we moved on with our relationship.

"Why do they always go to investigate a funny noise when there is a killer on the loose?" Kendall yelled, throwing his hands in the air.

"Its a movie Kendall. If it was realistic everyone would survive and then what kind of horror movie would that be." I said with a grin on my face. I felt my phone buzz.

"Well, I'm just saying." He said. He was looking at me pull out my phone.

I flipped it open and saw _Message from Dak Zevon _I pushed open. _Hey, I need to talk to you. Can you come meet me in my apartment?_

I looked at Kendall. "Hey Dak wants to talk to me, do you mind if I go down there to see whats going on."

I saw Kendall sigh. He still didn't like Dak, he was still afraid that Dak was going to swoop me off my feet and he would never have another shot with me. "Yeah, thats fine." I could tell that he was a little uncomfortable and on edge.

_On my way._ I sent it back and then looked at Kendall. "Just so its clear, my heart still belongs to you." I said softly. I saw his face light up and he got the biggest smile I had seen on his face in a while.

"I'm happy to hear that."

I stood up and walked to the elevator. When I got in I saw Jo. "Hey Logan." She said cheerfully. I ignored her. She had lied about Kendall and even went as far to tell everyone about us. "Look, Logan, I really am sorry I guess I was just jealous."

I finally decided to say something. "You lied, you told people stuff you had no right even talking about. You will never have Kendall back. We are working on us getting back together so you can stop trying now."

The elevator dinged and I walked out. I looked back and saw that Jo had tears in her eyes. _God dammit, when did I become such an asshole._ I walked up to Dak's apartment and knocked. He opened the door with a smile on his face. "Logan, come in."

I walked in nervously and then made my way to the couch and then sat down. "So what's up, why did you want to talk to me." I asked nervously.

"I just wanted to apologize. I've been ignoring you. I just needed some time to get use to you and Kendall and I needed time to adjust." He couldn't look at me, I knew that he was embarrassed.

"It's okay buddy. I understand, I think we both just needed some time to think. Is that all you wanted to talk about?" I asked.

"No, I wanted to say something to you. But I'm afraid of how you will take it." He couldn't meet my gaze, he was moving his hands nervously and staring at his feet. I didn't know what to say so I was just quiet. "Look, you lived with me for a month. I saw you cry almost everyday for the first week and a half. Then I saw you start to return to your normal, loving, careful self. I finally had my friend back."

"Things are getting better." I said. "They are better."

"For now, but what happens if he reverts back to his old ways. Logan, please give me a chance. At first I wanted to wait until you were over Kendall, but I realize that by then it will be too late. I need you to give me a chance. I care about you so much, I think I love you and I want a shot. He has had a lot of shots and fucked all of them up. I deserve one." By then he was looking me in the eyes, he wasn't blinking and it was making me uncomfortable.

I finally looked away. "Dak, I would be lying to you and myself. I love Kendall and now that I see he is changing, I just know that we are going to work. He is different. We are both getting over what happened. I'm getting over the hurt and he is getting over the guilt. I wasn't the only one hurting when he was doing that to me."

Dak looked at me with an annoyed look on his face. "Do you even hear yourself right fucking now?" He practically yelled. "You are rationalizing what he did to you, you are being an idiot. You are falling back into the trap known as Kendall Knight."

"I am not, you haven't seen him you don't know him. You have no right to tell me whether he is changing or not." I said instantly. I felt myself getting on my feet and looking at him.

"PEOPLE LIKE HIM CAN'T CHANGE, LOGAN! Don't you get that? He's always going to treat you like shit, and do you want to know why, its because he doesn't love you!" He was standing too and was trying to keep his distance.

I couldn't believe that he had just told me that. It hurt and I knew that I wanted to hurt him back. "You're just mad and jealous because Tony never loved you enough to change, like Kendall is."

He didn't say or do anything for a few moments. He finally looked at me and when I saw his eyes I knew that I had hurt him. But I didn't feel guilty because his words had stung me too. I didn't have time to process what happened next. He closed the distance in a tenth of a second and then was holding my head in his hands and was kissing my lips.

I couldn't process what was happening until a few seconds had passed. I pushed him away from me. "I don't feel the same way you do, Dak. You are only making this harder on yourself. You need to understand that I love Kendall, I will always love Kendall, not you."

I couldn't stay to face his reaction. I turned around and ran up to 2J, when I ran in James and Carlos were standing there staring at me. I was out of breath and I felt my face turn beet red when I saw them staring at me.

"What happened?" James asked with a concerned tone.

"Dak, that's what happened." I was angry at the fact that Dak had forced me to kiss him. "Where is Kendall?" I asked. They pointed to the room. "Kendall, will you come down here?" I screamed.

"Do you want us to leave?" Carlos asked.

I thought about it. I didn't know how Kendall was going to react. I only hoped that he wouldn't be angry at me. "No, stay here. I think you may have to help me restrain him."

Kendall was walking down the stairs. "What do you mean?" Carlos asked.

"You'll know as soon as I say it."

I looked at Kendall his eyes were red and puffy and his face was pale. I knew that he had been crying. He was afraid that I wasn't coming back. Whenever I had left without him he was afraid Dak would get to me. "What's going on?" He was nervous.

"I need to talk to you, and its not me leaving you." I said trying to soothe him. I saw the color appear back in his face and he nodded. "I went to go talk to Dak and we kind of got into an argument." I said.

"Wait, you two argued?" James asked surprised.

I nodded. "He told me that he wanted me to give a chance before I took Kendall back. I told him that I would be lying to myself that I needed to be with Kendall, he told me I was an idiot and that people like that could never change and that Kendall doesn't love me. That's when I told him that he was just mad that Tony never loved him enough to change." I was looking at Kendall, his fist were balled and he couldn't mask the anger on his face. I didn't know if I should say the next part but I knew I had to. "And then he kissed me and I pushed him away and told him he was making it harder on himself that I love you." I said looking at Kendall.

"How dare he kiss you, I'll fucking kill him!" Kendall snarled.

He tried to go for the door but James and Carlos had wrapped their arms around him and were trying to restrain him. I walked up to him and touched his cheek, he seemed to forget about his anger for a few seconds. "Kendall, don't. He isn't worth it. I told him that I love you and want to be with you."

His face softened and James and Carlos let go of him. That was a mistake, he bolted for the door before any of us could even lay a finger on him. "This isn't good." Carlos said. He put his helmet on and we all ran after him. "Take the stairs, maybe he took the elevator!"

We listened to Carlos but when we got into the stairwell we could hear Kendall muttering to himself while he ran up the stairs. "I'll fucking murder him."

"KENDALL!" I screamed. "Don't do anything stupid. Please!" I was trying to plead with him. Sure his anger wasn't directed at me but he still couldn't lash out like this. We were finally at Dak's floor and we saw Dak in Kendall's face. "Its true, I did kiss him."

"Big mistake, pretty boy. Lets see if your fans can recognize you after I'm done with you." Kendall said with hatred.

However, Dak was faster. Something Kendall didn't know is that Dak was a trained boxer. Dak hit Kendall in the jaw, it caused Kendall to step back he swung back and landed a punch in Dak's stomach. I did the first thing I could think of I ran as fast as I could to get in between the two guys. But I was thrown to the ground when I felt a left hook to my side. It was thrown by Kendall.

He looked at me with his eyes widened. "Logie! I didn't mean to!"

I grabbed my ribs and stared at him trying to back away. "Stay away." I felt James and Carlos grab me.

"That wasn't intended for you." James said. "You broke his punch before he hit Dak."

"I know, but it still takes me back to a really dark time." I said. I looked over and Dak and Kendall were wrestling around on the floor trying to pin the other down. I saw Kendall finally get the upper hand and he hit Dak as hard as he could with his fist. Carlos finally had his arms around Kendall and was dragging him away from Dak.

"Kendall, Logan is more important than this." Carlos said harshly. Kendall seemed to realize what he had done exactly because he was by my side and he couldn't make eye contact with me.

"Logie, I didn't mean to. I swear, I would…I never…" I saw giant tears falling down from his eyes. Carlos wrapped an arm around him.

"Kendall, you lost your temper. How do I know that couldn't have been me?" I asked.

"Lets go back to the apartment and talk about this." He said softly. He tried to help me up but I flinched away from his touch. I allowed James to help me up and then walked back to the apartment.

"Don't be to hard on him Logan, he really is trying." James said softly.

"James you will never understand how hurt I was by what he did. You don't understand," James didn't say anything after that. I felt bad for being so direct and harsh, but it was the truth.

I followed Kendall up to his room. He went to close the door. "Please leave it open." I said. The last time I had been in this room was when we got into the fight that almost killed me. He nodded sadly and then walked over to me.

"Logan, I didn't mean to hit you. I really didn't." He said with a pleading voice. He still had tears falling from his eyes.

"I know you didn't Kendall. But you have to control you anger in general, not just when it comes to me." I said.

"Logan, how would of you reacted had I told you that Jo kissed me?" He asked with an urgent tone. "You wouldn't have been happy about it."

"I wouldn't have hit her." I said. "Kendall, you've made a lot of progress, its just hard watching you take a step back."

"Logan, a lot of other guys would have reacted the same way I did. I'm only human. When it comes to someone forcing themselves on you I will never be able to hide that anger. You mean too much to me to just let something like that go." He said.

"Kendall, you will never know what I went through because of you anger. I don't want to hold it over your head and that isn't what I'm doing. But you hurt me in some of the worst ways imaginable." I said.

"I know you aren't holding it over my head. Try and make me understand how I made you feel." I heard him say softly.

I didn't know what to say to even begin. I thought of something though. I put a finger up motioning him to give me a few seconds and then I ran into mine and James' room and grabbed the composition book I wrote in when I was in the hospital. I ran back into Kendall's room and threw it at him.

"What's this?"

"You want to understand. Read it, outloud." I said softly.

He turned to the first page and looked at it for a few seconds before he started. "The guy who was suppose to love me more then anything is the reason I'm here. He swore to protect me from everything, little did he know he was the one I would need protection from." He looked at me. "I can't even begin to wrap my head around what he has been doing to me the last few months. He hit me, used me, cheated on me and as if that wasn't enough he took all my friends away from me.

"Kendall has changed. The Kendall I loved would never do this to me. He used to be the one who could make me blush but now if I'm around him I wait to be hit. I feel so broken and stupid. How could I ever believe that he loved me. He didn't love me, he destroyed me. He broke me so that he could control me. He never cared about me. He forced me to have sex with him, maybe not directly but if I denied him he would have taken it anyways.

"I feel numb, like I will never love or care about anything again. I feel like I am going to die, and I can't take it. Kendall hurt me, he hurt me so much. I want to die, I want to get away from this pain and just end it all. I want this all to end. I need it to, because I can't keep living if all I ever have to think about is the pain I was caused. I can't help thinking I made him do it. I should have been better. I should have loved him more and been a better boyfriend. This is all my fault. I hate myself."

That was all I had written that day. "That is how it made me feel."

"I made you hate yourself, when all along you should have hated me." I heard him say. He was crying again. "Logan, I'm so sorry. I was so fucked up, my thinking was way off."

"I wanted to die whenever I got out of the hospital. I wished that you had really killed me." I finally admitted. I hadn't even told Dak what I was telling him now.

"Logie, I can't promise that I will be able to control my anger in every situation, but when it comes to us fighting I will always keep it under control. I will never hurt you again."

I didn't know why, but I did believe him. I believed him with everything I had inside of me. I didn't know if I should tell him though. So instead I said. "You are going to have to show me that."

He smiled at me. "I will. I will make up for what I did everyday for the rest of my life, Logie."

I couldn't help it, and I couldn't stop myself. I leaned in and kissed him. Nothing big just a peck. "If you can keep doing as well as you have, I will be yours again in no time."

His eyes lit up. "I sure hope so."

**End Chapter**

**A/N: I wanted this chapter to end on a good note instead of the depressing ones they have been.**

**Read and Review please!**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Well I finally know where this is going and how many chapters it will be. Only two more after this. =) And I just started a new fic named Southern Belle, i would greatly appreciate it if you would read it and give me some input on it! Enjoy.**

**Chapter 12**

I looked at Carlos who was dragging me to a place unknown. Two months had gone by, Kendall and I had been broken up for three months now. Today would have been our one year anniversary, and I couldn't help but feel miserable because we weren't a couple. I felt Carlos cover my eyes when we got to the pool.

He guided me to where we were going for a few more minutes and then finally he stopped. I still couldn't see. "Keep them closed." He said.

"Carlos, where did you bring me." I asked impatiently. I had been getting to the good part in my new book when Carlos had practically kidnapped me.

I felt someone grab my hands. "Open your eyes, Logie." I heard Kendall say softly.

I did. I was at the park and in front of me was a picnic basket and a blanket. I smiled at Kendall. "Why didn't you just bring me here?" I asked.

"Well, I wanted you to be completely surprised and I didn't think you would take too kindly to me kidnapping you." He said with a chuckle.

"Probably not." I looked around and Carlos was already gone. I sat down on the blanket and went to reach for the basket.

"No!" Kendall said, it made me jump. "Sorry, I just want to give you something before we eat." He reached behind him and showed me a bouquet of lilies. I smiled at him and took them. There was a card attached to it. _Now that we are friends again, its time for me to win you back for good. I love you Logie._

I knew that I wanted to be back with Kendall but I wanted to make him work for it. I didn't want to just give in as easily as he wanted me to. I smiled at him. "Thank you." I said while smelling the lilies.

I saw him reach into the basket. He pulled out a case of california rolls, my favorite chips, lemonade and a cake. I smiled, these were all my favorite things to eat. "The cake is carrot cake too." He said with a smile on his face.

"Thank you for doing this, but you didn't have to." I said with a smile. I was wondering if this was all coincidence or if he knew what today would have been.

"I wanted to, I wanted to be sweet to you like I was when we first started dating. I realized it has been a while since I have done anything like this for you."

We made small talk and we shared smiles and laughs with each other. He told me to close my eyes again, and I did. "You know, I'm tired of having to close my eyes." I said getting annoyed.

"Just keep them closed." I listened and did what he wanted me to. "Open them."

I looked down at the cake in front of me and it read, "Happy one year."

He did know what today was. I looked at it for a few minutes before I was able to look up. I knew that I was close to crying. Today should have been a happy day for us, had he not hit me we would be happy right now. He handed me a card. I opened it. It was blank except for the inside which he had written a note in.

_Logie,_

_This last year has been hectic, but regardless of what I did and everything we've been through. I love you, I always have and always will. So one year later, I want to ask you the same question I asked exactly one year ago. Will you be my boyfriend. Will you be mine?"_

_Love Always,_

_Kendall_

I couldn't hold them back anymore. I finally let the tears fall from my eyes and I didn't even bother wiping them away. "Kendall, I don't know. I'm sorry though, I'm so sorry!"

I stood up and ran away trying to get myself together again. _Of course, Kendall was secretly a helpless romantic. Of course he would ask me out again today. I want to be with him so much again, but I don't know if I'm ready. Why does all this have to be so confusing?_

I sat at the bench away from Kendall and just let my tears fall. I felt a hand on my back and saw James standing there. "I was watching, we were all hoping you would say yes." He said softly. "Kendall is still there crying. Logan, I know that I will never understand how you feel but he loves you and you two are kissing and laughing like you are together."

I knew he was right. Anyone who looked at the two of us would think we were back together. But we hadn't mades it official yet. "I'm scared." I finally admitted to him and myself.

"You have every right to be, but you have to realize that it isn't just this relationship that that is going to be scary. I was talking to Dak, I know that you don't really talked to him anymore, but he was telling me that every relationship he has been in since Tony he has felt scared. He has been scared that they are going to do what he did to him." He said.

I knew that he was right, that I was going to be scared for the rest of my life. I just needed to decided whether or not I could put the fear behind me to be with Kendall. "I just need to think." I said softly.

"Well, Kendall had a full day planned for the two of you so don't be surprised if he drags you off somewhere else." James said before he stood up. I followed him back to the apartment. When I walked in I thought that my jaw was going to drop. I took in the sight in front of me.

Kendall had on a pair of skinny jeans and button up. He was absolutely gorgeous and I had to resist the urge to go wrap my arms around him and have my way with him. He had his guitar around his neck as if waiting for me.

As soon as he saw me he started strumming and singing.

Cause the world stops when I put my arms around you, around you. (oh woah)

And nothing even matters (eh)

And nothing even matters. (eh)

It's like one for the haters,

two for all of those who try to shut us down.

They don't really know.

There ain't nothing they can do that can tear us apart.

No. I don't care about the money, don't care about the clothes.

When we're together, baby, anything goes.

We don't even need to prove what we feel in our hearts. No.

This wall we built together, there ain't no way of knocking it over.

We'll be here forever, getting closer, and closer baby.

Cause the world stops when I put my arms around you, around you. (oh woah)

And nothing even matters. (eh)

And nothing even matters. (eh)

They can all talk, say what they want about us, about us. (oh woah)

And nothing even matters. (woah)

And nothing even matters. (eh)

It's like the sound goes off and the people all freeze.

They disappear and it's just you and me.

Anything you want to do, anything that you please. (oh woah no)

Forget about our problems, forget about our past.

I've seen the future and I know we're gonna last.

Every second I'm with you just goes so fast. (woah oh woah)

This wall we built together, there ain't no way of knocking it over.

We'll be here forever, that I told you, that I told you baby.

Cause the world stops when I put my arms around you, around you. (oh woah)

And nothing even matters. (eh)

And nothing even matters. (eh)

They can all talk, say what they want about us, about us. (oh woah)

And nothing even matters. (woah)

And nothing even matters. (eh)

Nothing even matters. (woah)

And nothing even matters. (woah)

We don't even need to fight.

Everything will be alright. (oh yea)

Nothing even matters, but you and I.

Cause the world stops when I put my arms around you, around you. (oh woah)

And nothing even matters, nothing even matters.

And nothing even matters. (wooaah)

They can all talk, say what they want about us, (Say what they want woooah) about us. (oh woah oh)

And nothing even matters. (woah)

And nothing even matters.

(They can take my money, take my cars. Oh woah oh woah)

Cause the world stops when I put my arms around you, around you. (oh woah)

And nothing even matters, nothing even matters.

And nothing even matters. (Baby)

They can all talk, say what they want about us, about us. (oh woah)

And nothing even matters. (woah)

And nothing even matters.

He finished strumming and smiled at me. Carlos and James were there and singing back ups while he was singing. I smiled at Kendall, they had all even made up a dance to the lyrics. I was trying to hide a laugh. Carlos and James hadn't made up the usual dance moves for it, it was a goofy one.

Kendall was looking at me with pleading eyes. "Did you write that?" I asked.

He nodded. "I've been working on it since I was in the hospital. I've written a lot of songs, but I wrote this one for you. It took me almost two months to finish it. I needed a lot of inspiration." He said with a smile.

"I loved it." I said softly. "I loved the fact that you pretty much captured everything we have been going through."

He smiled. "I was hoping you would say that. I worked really hard on this, now that this is out of the way. I wanted to ask you something." I got nervous again, he was going to ask me to be with him again. I took a deep breath. "Will you have dinner with me tonight? I have already made reservations."

I nodded. "But…James said that you were…" I started before James finally cut in.

"He got Carlos to help him, didn't you think I would be helping him too? We had a feeling you weren't ready to be with him again so we planned this." James said again.

I looked at Kendall. He had put so much thought and effort in behind everything he had done so far. I knew that I had a lot to look forward to with dinner. "Make sure you dress really nice, Logie. Oh and be ready in an hour." Kendall said before he went up and closed his door.

I looked at James and Carlos who were both smiling. "I don't know what I am going to do. I love him, I do. But I don't know if I can be with him again." I said softly.

"You can be with him, because you've practically been with him since you moved back in." Carlos said, confirming what James had said earlier. "You just have to man up and admit it to him but most of all yourself."

"Now, you have an important date, go get your ass ready!" James said with a laugh.

I nodded and ran up to the bathroom and closed the door. I turned on the water and let it run, feeling it with my hand until it was the perfect temperature. I stripped down and then stepped in. _Are James and __Carlos right? I have been pretty much dating Kendall again, I just need to make it official. If I can let him kiss me and cuddle with me, I should be able to be with him again. Besides…I miss Kendall more than anything in this world. I should just be with him._

But something in the back of my head was telling that I was rushing things, that I should follow my head this time, not my heart. I finally snapped out of it and started rubbing some shampoo through my hair. Then I washed my body quickly. I turned off the water and then grabbed a towel and rubbed it through my hair. I wrapped the towel around my waist and starting walking to my room.

"Ow, Ow!" I heard Carlos yell.

James was whistling at me. "Well hey there baby!" He joked.

I shot them a glare. "Shut up!" I shouted and then slammed the door to my room. I pulled out some boxers and put them on and then threw the towel in the corner. I started looking through my clothes. I opened the door. "How dressy is dressy?" I asked. "Like suit or something less dressy?"

I heard James walking up the stairs and then come in. "Here, let me pick something out for you since I know where you are going. This way you don't choose the wrong thing." He said.

"Thanks." I said softly. I was nervous. I looked at the clock, I had thirty minutes left until Kendall and I were leaving.

James set out a pair of black slacks and a belt to match. He went to the closet and started running his fingers over my shirts. "So, have you thought more about what we talked about earlier?" He asked.

"I'm still confused." I said. He nodded and then set a white shirt down, with a black tie and a black vest.

"Hold on." He sat there thinking. He took back the slacks and pulled out a dark pair of jeans instead. "Leave the shirt untucked. Its casual dressy, I'd say."

I listened to him. I looked in the mirror after I was dressed and I had to admit I did look pretty good. "You know what James, when Big Time Rush breaks up you could be a stylist." I said with a smile.

I walked out to the living room where Kendall was already sitting, ready for our date. He stood up when he saw me walking down the stairs. He was wearing dark blue jeans, a black shirt, silver tie and a black jacket to top it off. I admired his beauty for a brief moment before I walked towards him. His normal hair was actually somewhat combed back. _He never combs his hair, this must be a big date._

We were in a limo heading somewhere Kendall still hadn't told me. "So how long have you been planning all this?" I asked finally.

"For about two weeks. I had this reservation made the day I thought about all of this." He said with a smirk. The limo door opened and we walked out to a restaurant named Mesa Grill. It was a new one that had opened up and Bobby Flay was the owner. I smiled at him.

"I remembering you talking about wanting to try this place out when it opened. So I thought that it would be perfect if I brought you here." I was looking at him with amazement in my eyes. "Do you like your surprise?"

I smiled. "Of course I do."

We walked in together. The hostess was there. "Reservation for Knight." Kendall said smoothly. She looked at her notebook in front of her and then grabbed two menus and instructed us to follow her.

When we sat down, our waiter came and took our drink orders. I ordered a water and Kendall ordered a coke. I was looking at the menu and everything was expensive. "Kendall…"

"Get whatever you want. Don't worry about the price, I can afford it. I promise." He said with a smile. I looked at the menu and was looking through all the things that I thought sounded good, there were so many.

"I'm really glad that you agreed to come with me tonight." Kendall said. "I was afraid you would decline and I would have to cancel our reservations."

I smiled at him. "I figured since you had put all the effort in I couldn't say no."

Our waiter was back. "Are you gentleman ready to order?" He asked.

"Yeah, I'll take the black angus new york strip steak. Medium please. And with the carrots and mashed potatoes" Kendall said with a smile.

The waiter turned his attention to me. "And I will have sixteen spice chicken and mango with the garlic sauce. And same sides as him." I said.

Our menus were taken. "That sounds good, I'm just in the mood for a steak." He said with a smile.

A half hour later our food was brought to us and I felt like my taste buds were in pure heaven. I had never tasted something so wonderful. Kendall watched me as I closed my eyes. "I'm assuming that it is good?" He asked with a smile on his face. I nodded. "Good, I am glad that you like it."

We got a poached pear buttermilk upside down cake for dessert. Kendall smiled as I savored each bite. "Thank you for bringing me here. This was amazing." I said with a smile on my face.

"I am glad that you have enjoyed yourself." The check was brought to the table and Kendall put money in it. "So, there is something I want to give you." Kendall said with a smile. He fumbled in his pocket and then pulled a ring out. "I want to give this to you. If you accept it then I will know we are back together. If not, then we aren't. But this is a promise ring. It's my promise to you that I will never hit you or cheat on you or even hurt you for that matter."

I looked at him for a few seconds. I took the ring from him and put it on my finger. It fit perfectly. "I love it." I said with a grin.

"So that means…" He said waiting for me to finish his sentence.

"This means we are back together." I said with a smile on my face.

We were back in the limo. "I'm glad you said yes. I wanted us to start dating on the same day we originally started."

"And why is that?" I asked curiously. "Is it because you are a hopeless romantic?"

He laughed before his answer. "Well yes, that is true. But also I'm horrible with dates. At least this way I will never forget our anniversary."

I laughed and then gave him a gentle kiss on his cheek.

**End Chapter**

**A/N: So I kind of wanted to make Kendall jump through hoops to get Logan back, and I wanted to show a sweeter side to him. I hope you all enjoyed.**

**Read and Review.**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: Well promise99 you wanted more drama and violence. This chapter has a little bit of it. I promise. And also I started a new fanfic called Southern Belle if you could read that it would mean a lot to me.**

**Chapter 13**

Kendall and I were by the pool. We had been back together for two weeks and so far I had not regretted it. I was still rooming with James. I didn't want to move back in with Kendall because I felt that the separation was important for us at night. Kendall had his arms wrapped around me and was nuzzling the back of my neck.

"Kendall, that tickles." I laughed. He did it even more after I said that. "Kendall stop."

"But, but Logie." He said in a child like voice. He planted a single kiss on the back of my neck and it sent shivers down my spine.

Kendall and I hadn't made love since we had been back together. I wanted to, but Kendall told me he wanted us to wait. "You can't do that, not if you don't indtend to follow through." I said with a smile.

"What if I do?" He asked with a grin.

Then we felt water being squirted on us. I looked up to see James and Carlos. "We thought things were getting a little heated. Thought you guys needed a cool down." James said.

Kendall and I stood up and dragged them in the pool with us. Kendall cornered me in the pool and gave me a tender kiss on my lips. I instantly tried to deepen the kiss. "Not here." He said softly.

"Apartment?" I asked. He nodded. We got out of the pool and then grabbed our stuff. "We'll be at the apartment."

They nodded because they understood. "Not in my bed!" Carlos yelled.

I felt my face redden when Carlos said that. I grabbed Kendall's hand and we walked into the elevators together. We watched Dak walk out and glared at Kendall. I felt Kendall's grip tighten on my hand. "Abusive fuck." I heard Dak mutter under his breath.

Kendall opened his mouth to say something but I cut him off. "Kendall, come on. Don't ruin our moment, love." I said.

Kendall looked at me and then back at Dak who was standing a few feet from him. "Your right, Logan. Me making love to you is more important." Kendall said with a smirk on his face.

I saw anger flash through Dak's eyes before the elevator doors shut. I looked at Kendall. "Do you always have to be so hateful to him?" I asked.

"Oh Logie, give me a break." I heard him groan. "Besides, you are always hateful to Jo."

I couldn't argue I was pretty hateful to her. I always gave her glares when I saw her. I wasn't one to talk about being hateful. We were walking into apartment 2J. As soon as we walked in I started devouring Kendall's mouth. We were slowly making our way to Kendall's room. Our lips never parting. Whenever we finally reached the room Kendall finally pulled away. He closed the door and locked it.

I went to sit on the bed. I tugged off my shirt, wanting as little clothes on as possible. Kendall did the same thing and then climbed on top of me and started kissing my neck. I moaned in pleasure. He found my pulse point and bit it slightly. "Kendall…" I moaned.

He smiled and then made his way down my chest. He left a slight trail of kisses down the center of my chest. I put my fingers in his hair and grabbed a handful of locks. When he reached the band of my swim shorts he pulled them down and licked the tip of my cock. He took in the tip and swirled his tongue. I was in pure ecstasy.

He started bobbing his head. I felt the tip hit the back of his throat. I knew that if he continued I would be done in a matter of minutes. I pulled him off and he gave me a pouty look. "It's been a while and I want this to last." I said.

He nodded. I flipped him around so that he was the one laying on the bed. I took his trunks off and then kissed his stomach. I took his entire cock in my mouth in one slick movement. I started swirling my tongue at the tip every time I brought my head up.

"Logie…" I looked up at him. "I want to feel you inside me."

I had never been a top. I was always bottom. I looked at him with a confused look on my face. "Kendall, it's going to hurt."

"I know, but I want to try it. Please." I looked at him and nodded. He leaned over into his nightstand and pulled out a bottle of lube. He handed it to me.

I put some on two of my fingers. "Are you ready?" He nodded. I slowly pushed one finger in. I felt him clench. "You have to relax." I said softly. He nodded and then I felt him unclench. I moved my finger in him for a few seconds before I inserted the second one. I saw him wince a little. I moved my fingers in and out for about thirty seconds before I started making scissor movements with them.

I pulled them out and then put a generous amount of lube on my cock. "Relax." I said. I started to slide the tip in. His face was contorted with pain. "Are you okay? Do you want me to stop?" I asked.

He shook his head. "Go in more." He said. I knew that he was in pain. But I started to slowly move in more and more. I was finally all the way in and I couldn't believe how unbelieving tight he was. "Move!" He hissed.

I pulled out and then slowly went back in. I didn't know how long I was going to last. After almost four months without sex, and how tight he was I knew I wasn't going to last all that long. "Faster." I heard Kendall gasp out.

I started pumping in faster. After a few more thrust I was going in as hard and fast as I could. I kept angling myself trying to find his prostate. Finally I hit something. "Oh god!" I heard Kendall scream.

I smiled and I concentrated on trying to hit that spot over and over again. I moaned at the sound of Kendall calling out my name. I knew that I was close so I started pumping his cock in the motion that I was moving. I felt his hot substance come into contact with my hand and his muscles tightened which sent me over the edge too. I rode out my orgasm and after I was done I pulled out and laid down next to him.

When I was face to face with him he kissed my nose. "That wasn't so bad." He said softly.

I smiled. "I tried to be as gentle as I could, but next time…you're fucking me." I said. After experiencing being top, I knew that I preferred bottom. He smiled at me and then kissed my nose again.

I snuggled into his chest and planted one gentle kiss on it. He was playing with my hair and I smiled at him. "I love you, Kendall."

I saw his face light up. "I love you too, Logan." He said with a smile on his face. "We should get dressed so when James and Carlos come home they don't have to wait to come in."

I nodded. We put back on our swim suits and were sitting in Kendall's room for a few seconds. "Why don't we go back down to the pool?" Kendall asked.

I nodded. We walked out of the room together, the apartment was still empty so we left and walked down to the pool. When we walked down there Dak was talking to James and Carlos. I looked at him for a few seconds. "Kendall, why don't we-"

"It's okay. I can handle being around him." Kendall said. I looked at him skeptically. "I can, I need to learn how to get use to it. I know you still see him as a friend, even if you two haven't talked in months. I can get over it."

I smiled at him. I wrapped my arms around him and whispered in his ear. "Thank you."

I grabbed his hand and we walked towards them. "Hey guys." I said smiling.

"Oh god, he's glowing!" James said in a joking matter.

"Kendall got it in!" Carlos said. His new obsession had recently been Jersey Shore and he was using quotes from the show.

Kendall laughed. "Well technically, Logan got it in." I nudged him playfully.

"Hey, they don't need to know details." I said. I didn't want to get Dak mad, sure we said some pretty mean things to each other but at the same time I still cared about him deeply.

James and Carlos didn't say anything. It was Dak who spoke next. "I never took you as a bottom, Kendall." He said with a laugh.

"Ah, what can I say heat of the moment." Kendall said with a smirk. Dak's smile quickly turned into a frown. Kendall noticed. "Look Dak, Logan and I are together and I know that we are going to last. He still sees you as a friend, for some odd reason. I don't want to take his friends away this time."

Dak looked down for a moment before he spoke. "I want to be friends with Logan. But when he's with you I don't know if its possible. Do you really expect me to believe that in a matter of three months you've changed enough to be with him? You may have Logan fooled, but not me."

I stood up. "Dak, you don't know Kendall as well as we do. He's changed, he is where he needs to be." I said defensively.

"Oh, so is that why he came banging on my door yelling at me?" He asked in a sour tone.

"That was two months ago!" Kendall yelled. "A lot has changed in two months!"

"Is that why you're screaming?" He asked.

"I'm tired of you. Like Logan said, you don't know me. All that matters is that Logan sees I've changed. And I don't give a shit what some low life pretty boy thinks." Kendall said. He was an inch away from Dak's face now.

Dak pushed Kendall away from him. Kendall shoved him back automatically, Dak stumbled backwards. He was on his feet. "Oh, so its like that Knight?" Kendall didn't say anything. He just smirked. Dak's fist swung back and met Kendall's eye. James and Carlos stood up.

"Just let them go." I said. "Maybe if they get all their frustration out this can go behind them?" I asked. I knew that it was a long shot but nothing else was working so I figured it was worth a shot.

They took turns hitting each other. Finally Dak was on top of Kendall. I didn't want Kendall to get hurt and it was clear that Dak had the upper hand now. I jumped up and shielded Kendall by cradling him in my arms. "Dak, that enough." I said.

He looked at me and dropped his fist that he was about to throw into Kendall. Dak stood up, his cheek was a deep shade of purple and his eye was swollen.

I looked at Kendall and stroked his face gently with my thumb. His nose was bleeding and his eye was almost swollen shut. "Logie, I'm sorry."

"It's okay." I stood up. "Now that you two got that out of your system, you both need to move on. I want you as my friend Dak but all these snide comments have to stop!"

Dak looked down. "You're right." He said softly. He offered Kendall his hand and Kendall took it and was brought to his feet. Kendall put his hand out and Dak shook it. "Sorry dude." Dak said. It sounded genuine.

Kendall grinned. "I am too. Lets just put it all behind us, for Logan." I smiled at him. Dak nodded his head in agreement and I smiled at the two of them.

"Thank you." I said to the both of them.

"Maybe we could all hang out some time?" Dak said.

"Yeah!" James yelled. "That would be fun. We could go see another movie!"

I grinned. Was it actually possible that things were going in the right direction for me? I half expected to wake up and find that it was a dream.

We all five sat by the pool. We swam and joked around with each other. Dak, Kendall and I even played a game trying to figure out who was gay down at the pool. James and Carlos were amused at our game to say the very least.

Night was finally falling and we decided that we would go up to our own apartments. When we got up there, Mrs. Knight already had dinner made for all of us. It was fish stick Friday. We all ate our dinner and talked. "So tomorrow we start recording Nothing Even Matters." Kendall said. I knew that he was excited that Gustavo had agreed to record his song.

"I still think that Gustavo is still a little surprised that you actually were able to write and compose a song." James said jokingly.

"I don't know why it was that surprising. A lot of songs come from hard times. That song is nothing different." He said softly. I knew that Kendall still was hard on himself for what he had done to me.

We talked about it every so often, but it was only when we both were really thinking about it. We made the decision that we couldn't dwell on it too much. We could forgive, but not forget. But I knew that if we were to dwell on it all the time our relationship wouldn't stand a chance.

Kendall and I were laying on the couch watching a movie with the guys. Kendall's head was in my lap and I was playing with his hair. He turned to lay on his back and he looked at me. When our eyes met he gave me a smile.

I couldn't help but smile back at him. "I love you." I said sweetly.

"I love you too, Logie Bear."

"Aww, aren't you two just precious?" James said in a mocking tone.

"You're just jealous that Logan is all mine." Kendall said with a grin. "But in all seriousness, how do you feel about me and Logan being back together?"

"I like it, if I didn't think you deserved him I wouldn't of helped you get him back." James said. Carlos nodded. "And as long as you keep Logan happy, I will continue to be happy for you two."

"I will never hurt Logan again, guys. I promise." Kendall said.

I looked at the ring that was on my right hand. A promise ring that he would treat me right. I smiled at it. I looked at him again and then kissed him gently on the lips. He stood up and pulled me into his room.

He laid down on his bed and motioned for me to come lay down next him. I walked up to him and snuggled up to him. "Do you really love me?" I asked. I didn't know where it came from.

He rubbed my back. "Of course. If I didn't love you I wouldn't of worked so hard to change and get you back." He said softly.

"I need to say this. If you hit me again, I will leave. I will go back to Minnesota and you will never see me again." I said. I meant it, after everything he had already put me through I refused to ever go anything like it again.

"Well, then I guess its a good thing that I don't plan on doing it again." He said with a grin. He leaned in and gave me a gentle kiss on my lips.

We laid in the room in silence for a few hours, we shared the occasional kiss. I stared into his eyes for a what seemed like hours. Our focus on each other was broken when Carlos came into the room. "Well, I'm off to bed." I said with a grin. Kendall held me down.

"No, don't go." He pleaded.

"Kendall, we decided that I was going to sleep in a different room. We both know its best to have a little separation." I said trying to reason.

"But one night won't hurt." He said with puppy dog eyes.

"Kendall…" I said with a pleading voice. He nodded in resignation and I left the room. I walked to James and my room and closed the door.

I laid in bed for a minute before James said something. "Hey Logan?" He asked.

"Yes?"

"If Kendall was to start hitting you, you would tell me…right?" He asked in a nervous voice.

I sighed. I knew that James and Carlos were really worried about it, even though they were able to mask it pretty well. "If Kendall hits me again, I'm going to Minnesota and I will never talk to him again."

"Good." Was all James said.

And with that I closed my eyes and forced myself to go to sleep.

**End Chapter**

**A/N: Well the next chapter is the last one. I'm sad that this is coming to an end, but I want to avoid going on and on.**

**Read and Review.**


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: Ahhhh sooooooo sad! I can't believe this is the last chapter. Ugh, but my mind is working hard to make some new story ideas! I actually started another one name Memories of a Fallen Hero. If you could go check that out I would appreciate it.**

**The final chapter is dedicated to my most loyal readers and reviewers: BandanaGurl, koganlove26, unthinkable13, just jay, promise99, and Ireland Maslow. Thank you guys so much for your reviews. They really did make me want to write and update daily!**

**Chapter 14**

_One Year Later…_

I was looking through my closet trying to decide what to wear. I finally decided on a sweater vest, white button up, black tie and a pair of jean. Kendall was taking me out. We were now celebrating our one year anniversary. We had been the perfect couple the last year. Kendall kept his promise to me and hadn't even so much as yelled at me. Sure we had arguments but they were never like they had been before.

_Six months ago…_

"Kendall, I just don't see why you are talking to Jo again." I complained. When I walked in from the pool I had seen Kendall and Jo talking on a couch in the lobby.

"Logie, she was apologizing about everything. I told her I still didn't want to be friends with her." He said defensively. "Besides, I don't get upset when I see you talking to Dak or Jett, and its clear they are still into you."

I frowned. "This isn't about me." I said getting annoyed. "This is about you."

He was standing, I could see that he was getting angry. He walked out of the room and closed the door. I sat in the bedroom for a few seconds before the door opened again. Kendall walked back in with a calm look on his face. "I'm sorry, I felt my composer slipping. Look, I messed up in the past. But you need to understand that I don't plan on making those mistakes again. I don't care how hot the person is. I will never cheat on you. You are the greatest and hottest person I have had in my life and I don't want to ruin that."

As soon as he said that I felt like an idiot. Since we had been together, I had taken the role of accusing him of cheating or lying. I sighed and looked at him. "I'm sorry, I'm just so afraid of you hurting me again."

He walked up to me and wrapped his arms around me. "I understand that Logan. But you can't hold what I did against me. I have changed and I will never put you through that again."

I nodded and gave him a sweet and gentle kiss.

_Present day…_

I was walking out of James' and my room and down the stairs where Kendall was waiting for me. "Where is everyone?" I asked.

"Oh, they decided to go out with Dak tonight." He said with a smile.

He grabbed my hand and led me out to the limo that was waiting for us. He helped me into the limo and then climbed in behind me. "You know, I'm really glad that you gave me a second chance." He said with a smile. "Well technically, it was like my hundredth chance but I'm glad I got it."

"You earned it and you deserved it. You really have shown and proved to me that you are a different person than you were back then. I love you and I have never regretted my decision for us to get back together." I said smiling at him.

He pulled me close and gave me a sweet and gentle kiss. The limo stopped after about fifteen minutes and the driver was opening the door for us. I walked out to be looking up at Mesa Grill again. I laughed. "I figured that since we could come here again, we would." He said with a nervous smile.

We hadn't been here since the day we got back together. I smiled at him. "You're so sweet and amazing." I said. He grabbed my hand and pulled me into the restaurant. We had come out to the fans and the entire world almost a month ago.

_A month ago…_

We were playing a concert in New York. We had just finished singing City is Ours. "Now, this next song, I wrote for someone special." Kendall started. The fans started going screaming. "It was written for my soulmate."

I looked at Kendall and he motioned for me to come forward. I did and he grabbed my hand. "I wrote this for my boyfriend Logan. This song represents everything we have endured to be together."

We started singing Nothing Even Matters and at the end all the fans were screaming theirs heads off chanting. "Kiss him." I looked down when Kendall started making his way over to me. He cupped my face in his hands and leaned down and gently kissed me. The fans were awww-ing and cheering for us.

_Present day…_

It made us both really happy that ninety nine percent of the fans were supportive of our sexual orientation. We walked into the restaurant and was meet by the hostess.

"Party for Knight." He said with a grin.

"Oh, follow me." She said. I noticed that she hadn't grabbed any menus.

I looked at Kendall. "Don't we need any menus?" I asked him. He shrugged and suggested that maybe she had just forgotten them.

We walked around the corner and I saw a lot of familiar faces. I saw Dak, James, Carlos, Gustavo, Kelly, Mrs. Knight and Katie. "Surprise." Kendall whispered in my ear. "I figured we could have dinner with everyone and then go to the planetarium and then the park?"

I turned around. I knew that I was close to crying. Kendall hated the planetarium. He refused to go, but I was excited that he was surprising me with it. "Really?"

He nodded. "Anything for you Logie Bear." He kissed my cheek and we went and sat down with everyone else. "Is this why you've been avoiding me?" I asked Dak.

Everyone knew that Dak couldn't keep a secret. He had been avoiding me for almost a full week. He nodded. "Kendall told me almost a week ago so I could get off to come. But you know that I can't keep a secret. Especially since you have been wondering what he was going to do for your anniversary for the last month." I blushed.

The weird thing was after Kendall and Dak exchanged a few punches they were cool with each other. They had become great friends. Dak was the one Kendall went to when he needed some advice on what to do when we were fighting. I smiled at the two of them.

We all sat down and the waiter came and took our orders. I was smiling at everyone. "Thank you guys for coming." I said with a smile.

"Oh, honey, it's no big deal. Kendall said that you missed everyone so I figured it was the least we could all do." Mrs. Knight said.

I smiled at her. "Thank you, Mama Knight."

"So one year, huh?" Carlos asked with a smirk on his face.

"Yeah, one incredible year." Kendall said with a smile. "And I hope that we will have many more to come."

"I know that we will." I said softly and then kissed Kendall's forehead. I felt everyone beaming at us and couldn't help but blush awkwardly. Kendall chuckled at me. We were finishing up dessert. "Thank you all for coming here to share this day with Kendall and I. I don't know if we could have made it through everything with out your guys' support."

"You guys are our best friends, we had to be there for you." James said with a smile.

They were all looking at Kendall so I decided to do the same. He was clammy looking. He was nervous for some odd reason. He looked at me and stood up. He knelt down on one knee and I instantly starting crying. _Is this really happening right now? Oh my god, I can't believe this._

"Logan, we have been to hell and back and made it through together. I know that we are only eighteen, but I know that there is no one else in this world for me. I want to be with you for the rest of my life. So will you do me the honor of being my husband?" He was holding a beautiful gold band with diamonds in it.

I looked at him for a few moments with tears falling down before I finally nodded. He slid the beautiful ring onto my left hand, but then logic kicked into gear. "But…how? Its not legal." I said in a confused tone.

He chuckled. "Well five states have legalized same sex marriage. I figured that we could just go to one of those states and get married. I know its only a piece of paper, but its a piece of paper I really want to have."

I wrapped my arms around him and kissed him passionately. "Now, as a mother I have to tell you this. You have to realize that marriage is forever. There is no turning back, no one in my family or the Knight family has ever had a divorce." Mrs. Knight said stearnly.

"I wouldn't have said yes if I didn't think that Kendall and I were a forever kind of thing." I said trying to reassure her.

She smiled a very wide smile and stood up to hug us both. "I am so happy that my son has finally found someone!" She said almost in tears.

"I am too, I can't believe my big brother is engaged. But I'm glad that it is Logan. I've never seen you so happy." Katie said to Kendall with a smile. He stood up and hugged his little sister. "Alright, alright, enough with the love." She said while trying to push Kendall off of her. I couldn't help but laugh at the fiery girl.

"Now dogs, I don't want the fact you two are engaged to get in the way of the band." Gustavo said. I knew that he was happy for us but he still had to have his hard ass front up. We both nodded. "Now, I have to go work on a new song. All this love is giving me inspiration."

With that Gustavo stood up to leave. "Well, if you guys don't mind, I have to get Logie to the planetarium before it's too late and he can't see the exhibit that is there."

He grabbed my hand and pulled me back into the limo. As soon as we were in there he wrapped both of his arms around me. "I'm so glad that you agreed to marry me." He said with a caring tone.

"I am too. I love you so much Kendall." I sat up so that I could look into his eyes to show him that I really did mean it.

"I love you too Logan. I always will." He wrapped his hand around the back of my neck and slowly brought his lips towards mine. When they met he tried to keep the kiss short and sweet, but I wasn't having it. I instantly grabbed the back of his head and held him there. I licked his bottom lip asking for access and after a few seconds of hesitation he granted it.

Our tongues fought for dominance before he finally let me win. I straddled him and continued kissing him. After a few minutes of a heated make out session I pulled away and nipped at his neck. "Ugh, Logie. You have to stop, otherwise I won't be able to contain myself anymore."

I giggled at him. "Then don't contain yourself." I wanted him. I couldn't contain myself any longer, I wanted to feel him against me but most of all inside me.

He slowly and gently pushed me away from him. "Logan, I planned such an incredible date, we can continue this later."

I poked out my bottom lip in a pout. "But Kendall..."

"Logie, please. Just a few more hours. This date isn't even close to being over. Besides this is the only time the offer for me going to the planetarium is going to be on the table." He said with a smug look.

I nodded and then let out a sigh of frustration. I couldn't say no to him, especially when he had put so much thought into our anniversary. "Fine." I knew it was unreasonable but I couldn't help but feel a little bit of rejection

He must have known what I was thinking because he wrapped his arms around me. "Logan, I want to trust me I do. But we just got engaged and I want to enjoy time with you and while I do enjoy that, there is much more to a relationship than just sex."

"You're right. I just want you so bad." I whined. He laughed and the gave me another kiss on the cheek.

We went to the planetarium. I rambled on about the different exhibits we saw. "Did you know that Mars has the largest canyon in the solar system. It would reach from Los Angeles to Chicago if it was on Earth!"

"No I didn't, but that is pretty neat." I smiled at him. I knew that he wasn't interested in it but the fact that he was pretending to care meant a lot to me.

"Did you know that Olympus Mons is a 550 km wide volcano, is the largest volcano in the solar system and covers an area about the size of Arizona. It is 27 km high in contrast to Mt Everest on Earth at 8.85 km." I said looking at him intently.

He couldn't help it anymore he finally laughed. "Logan, how do you know all this?"

I blushed. "I find the solar system fascinating. There is so much to it." It was true. I had read countless books about the solar system and about each individual planet.

"You are like my own personal encyclopedia, Logie." He smirked at the blush I felt creeping onto my face. "It's okay, I'm glad that I am going to have a genius next to my side for the rest of my life."

"Are you sure you won't get annoyed by it?" I asked. I was sure that it had to get annoying when I rambled on about random useless facts.

"Are you kidding me? Its one of the things I find irresistible about you." He pulled me next to him and kissed the top of my head.

I admired the ring that was on my hand. "You didn't have to get something so nice, just a simple band would have sufficed."

He frowned at me. "No, it wouldn't have. You deserve the best, Logie. And that is what I plan on giving to you! Now, lets go to the park."

I nodded and climbed back into the limo. We got the park and laid on a blanket for almost two hours. "Why can't we just go back to the apartment?" I asked softly.

"Because, I want you to see something that you will never get another chance to see while you're alive." I gave him a confusing look. It was almost midnight and I didn't know if I could keep going on. "Look, just another half hour. Please?"

I nodded and then snuggled into his chest. "You really want to spend the rest of your life with me?" I asked.

I could hear his smile. "Of course I do. No one has even came close to making me as happy as you do. You are the first person I have ever truly loved. I thought I loved Jo, but I was wrong. I love you a million times more than I ever did her. I love you more than my mom and Katie combined. I love you more than anything and anyone in this world."

I sat up and looked at him. "Really?" I was surprised, I knew that he loved me, I just didn't realize how much.

"Yes, really. Now are you sure that you want to marry me?"

My eyes widened. "I've never been so sure about anything in my entire life. You mean the world to me, I would give you anything you asked for. I care more about you than I do myself. I would take a bullet for you." I said.

"Awww, don't say that. I couldn't imagine a life without you. I don't think I could live in a world you weren't in." He sat up and gave me another sweet and tender kiss. His alarm on his phone started going off. "Oh, its time! Close your eyes." He said softly.

"Not this again." I said in an annoyed voice, but I listened none the less. I heard him get up and then come back and he was shuffling around.

"Okay, open them." In front of me was a telescope. I gave him a weird look. "I took you to the planetarium to see the exhibit on Mars. But I found out a week ago that Mars will be visible from Earth and it won't happen again for almost three hundred years. I wanted to make sure you saw it, Logie."

I looked at him surprised. "Kendall," I didn't know what to say. This was one of the most romantic things he had ever done for me. "I can't believe you would do all this for me." I said.

"I would do anything for you. Now look into the telescope. It's only visible to us for three minutes and I don't want you to miss it." He said with a smile.

I didn't need the telescope to see it, it looked like there were two moons only one was red. I glanced through the telescope and I could see it so much better. I couldn't help but smile. This was one of the most amazing things I had ever seen. I let Kendall look and then I wrapped my arms around him and stared at Mars. It went as quickly as it came and when it was gone Kendall was pulling me to my feet.

"Now we can go back to the apartment." He said in a tired voice.

"Thank you so much for this. It means a lot to me."

"Anything for you. I love you so much Logan!" He kissed me on the nose.

"I love you too."

He wrapped his arm around me and we started making our way back to our apartment. Kendall and I had been through hell. A lot of people had told me I was stupid to take Kendall back because people like that can never change. Now I had the last laugh, Kendall Knight was proof that anyone could change. He had changed for me, and now we were desperately in love.

I could never imagine a life without him now. He is truly my other half. I guess the saying is true, some people change.

**The End**

**A/N: OMG! I'm so sad that this is over =( But I hope that everyone enjoyed the last chapter. Like I said I started a new story. So if you could go check that out it would be great! You guys are awesome!**

**Read and Review Please.**


	15. AUTHORS NOTE

**A/N: So usually I hate when someone does this, but since this is on quite a few alerts of others, I wanted to let everyone know that I made part 1 of a two shot of this story in Kendall's POV called Fury of the Storm. I hope you will check it out and let me know what you think!**

**Thanks.**


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